cluttered musings of a mom

Book Review: Memoirs of a Geisha

2012-02-10T10:00:00.002-07:00

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I did not like this book at all. I gave it three stars only because of how well-written it was--there were a lot of good quotes that came out of it. But I didn't like the sick feeling I had almost the whole time I was reading it. I was always told that geishas were not prostitutes, which was why I picked up the book in the first place, but I see very few distinctions between the two groups. I only kept on reading because I wanted to find out why she ended up leaving Japan, if she ever saw her sister again, how she got through the war, etc. I do think that once she realized what the life was that lay ahead of her and she made her choice, she did the best she could with what she had. I was very sorry for the situation she found herself in. I know it's a book I will never read again. I'm curious to see the film adaptation, but at the same time, knowing the content, I'm not sure I want to see it.

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Navigating Through Parenthood

2012-02-04T15:45:00.003-07:00

I saw this link on Circle of Moms called "10 Big Issues Moms Face With Tween and Teen Daughters" and when I clicked on it, it went through ten different links to articles on topics ranging from how to buy a bra, how to talk to your daughters about puberty, when to let them date, when to let them wear makeup, how to prevent teen pregnancy, when to let them start on the pill, etc.

As I flipped through the selection of articles, I thought about a couple of things. First of all, I recalled how my parents handled these things. I realized that many of them are things that can be found in "For the Strength of Youth". It gave me comfort to realize that many of these big issues in parenting these days have answers that are straight-forward and right there for the taking. All I have to do is use the resources I have from the teachings of the Church. Dating, chastity, drugs and alcohol, etc. are all issues discussed in that pamphlet. I haven't looked at the pamphlet in about 8 years, but I'm sure a parent can make a link from the section on chastity and the one on dating to talk about sexting.

Obviously not all of these have answers directly from the Church, but many of them can be linked back to something with the Church. Others are clearly up to the parent's discretion, and I'm glad that my parents were so clear on their limits and expectations that I can remember them and will probably have the same (or similar) rules for my daughter. For example, I was allowed to start wearing makeup at the age of 14 and my parents took me to a studio where they taught women how to apply makeup correctly. We will probably have either the same rule or similar (maybe age 12 or 13) for when our daughter can start wearing makeup and then we will make sure she is properly taught.

I am just hopeful that if I am wise in using these resources in teaching these things to my children, not just my daughter, but the boys too, it won't be a big question of how to do it, it will just come naturally as they grow and mature. At least, that is what I hope.

*This picture is from my senior year of high school when I went to the Senior Dinner Dance with friends

Feeling Understood

2012-02-03T20:05:00.001-07:00

When we went to Vegas, we hired someone from my husband's workplace to babysit the kids. She is in her early 20's and is very good with kids and has watched our little ones for us before. We warned her in advance about the no-sleeping baby and she was still willing to do it.

I left her a few instruction pages on how to run things around here. One of the things I brought up was when to squeeze in a shower. In this house, squeezing in a shower can be a tricky thing. There is a small window in which to shower and if that window gets missed, the shower never happens.

I can't shower when the baby is napping because the other kids might wake him up without me right there breathing down their necks to keep them busily engaged in something in another part of the house. Often, if I try to shower while he's sleeping, I end up hearing screams and the pounding of feet on the floor, usually right past his doorway and then his screams a few seconds later all in my 15 minutes of showering right after getting him down for a nap. So I've learned that naptime is not good shower time.

It's hard to shower when he's awake too. I have to bring him in the room with me and shut and LOCK the bedroom door in order to keep the other kids from coming in and leaving the door open. You see, our bedroom is right at the top of the stairs so if the door gets left open, our little crawler can go right to the top of those stairs and since he doesn't quite understand how to go down backwards and doesn't quite understand the law of gravity, he could fall down the stairs during that unsupervised 15 minutes. So I bring him in the bathroom with me with the door locked and he will then pull himself up to standing against the shower door the entire time I'm in the shower and cry because he wants me to get out. Then, because he's standing there, leaning against the door, getting out is also a problem. I have to knock him down while opening the door and sort of push him out of the way just to get out of the shower, which, of course, only makes him cry more.

So really, the only time I can shower is when my husband is home and I have another pair of hands to either keep the kids quiet during the baby's nap or to keep the baby and other kids occupied while I shower. Since the baby-sitter was on her own, I recommended that she try and squeeze in a shower around 7:30 a.m., after the older kids were up and dressed, lunches made and breakfast eaten. Then she could leave the baby under the watchful eyes of the two older kids for 15 minutes (they are very good at keeping him entertained and keeping him off the stairs) while she took a quick shower.

She told me when I got back that she didn't really believe my little paragraph about the showering until Tuesday morning (the morning we flew out) when she quickly discovered that my description was quite accurate and squeezing in a shower was a difficult task.

I finally felt understood!

What Happens in Vegas...

2012-02-02T19:51:00.001-07:00

...gets discussed on my blog!

Earlier this week, I got to have a little break from the kids and spend 1-1/2 days out of town. Destination? Vegas, baby!

The whole reason for the trip was for my husband's Eastern Regional Managers Conference for his job. The managers could bring their spouses. The trip included free flight, paid for by the company, and a free night's stay in a hotel and lunch and dinner on Tuesday, plus a fun special event Tuesday night.

Our flight left at 7 am and when we arrived, my husband went straight to meetings. I went straight up to the room and back to bed where I slept until about 11:30 and then I showered and got ready for the 12:45 lunch. We met for lunch. After lunch there was a brief awards ceremony, where my husband won an award for having one of the top 50 cleanest stores in the company. Then we had free time. I met up with a friend, who drove me around while we chatted and my husband went up to the room for a nap. Dinner was at 5 pm. After dinner, though, is when the fun really began....

This was my first time being around people who were getting totally wasted. I've been around people having drinks before, but never around them when they are completely drunk. It was sort of scary, even surreal, like a high school drinking party in a movie.

I was embarrassed for them all. These were other managers, same level and higher up, that my husband works with. It was really embarrassing to see them in such a state, and made me wonder how appropriate is it for people to get so drunk at a work function. I even heard that the regional manager had to help one of the divisional managers up to the hotel room at the end of the night.

Moral of the story: I will never drink. It holds no appeal to me whatsoever. The smell was horrendous. And I was blown away at the amount of money being plunked down for it. Made me feel guilty for yelling at my husband for spending $3 on a candy bar earlier that day. I guess $3 on a candy bar is better than $100+ on alcohol.

The worst part is that I will be attending many of these functions and dealing with the drunkenness again.

The husband and I--we did have a blast. We drank some ice water and did some swing dancing to the live band while everyone else was trying to start some sort of mosh pit. The other managers are still talking about our awesome swing dance moves. Note: Drunk people are easy to impress because we really were stinking up the place!

Good Mom = Messy House?

2012-02-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

I saw this little ditty on Totsy, which is a great website for online shopping if you've never heard of it. Go on, check it out, sign up and shop!

No, but seriously, I have seen similar little ditties posted on Facebook and other blogs many times over the past couple of years.

And I'll be honest. I'm really sick of the notion that a messy house is equal to happy kids. I understand that sometimes you don't have time to deep clean something because you have to focus on the kids, believe me, I know that! But whenever I see one of these little ditties, I feel a stab in my stomach that somehow, I'm not a good mom because my house happens to be pretty clean.

In fact, my house is clean because I enlist my kids to help with chores to keep it clean. They work with me to do it, so not only am I spending time with them, teaching them something valuable, but they are developing a work ethic and they get to live in a clean house.

For some reason, I don't see that as a bad thing.

Now I'm not saying my house is spotless, because it's not, but my house isn't the messy that's always described in these little ditties.

So I will NOT be purchasing this little ditty from Totsy. You won't ever see such a thing hanging in my house.

Safety in Numbers, for those of you who run

2012-01-27T13:30:00.001-07:00

A couple weeks ago, my sister-in-law went out for a run and she wrote about what happened to her:

Today at 10am I went for a long distance run by my house. During the run a white van with three men pulling a trailer slowed down to wave at me and then sped off. About five minutes later I saw them again where the running trail intersected the road. This time they pulled in front of me, rolled down their window and said 'hi' and I felt very uncomfortable. Had I not seen the men, I would have turned around and headed home like a normal run, but I didn't feel comfortable doing that because no one was around in the opposite direction, so I kept going forward (further away from my home) where the van couldn't follow me and where there was another runner ahead. The van pulled into a tennis parking lot and stopped. At this point I was very frightened, I didn't have a phone and knew I needed to get home. I took a different route along some well traveled roads. There was only one road that connected the previous neighborhood to the new neighborhood I was in (and it is confusing to navigate). Anyways, I told myself that if I saw the van again I would run for help at a house. Twenty minutes later I passed the road that connects the neighborhoods and started to feel at ease....that's when I saw the van pulling up a road parallel to the previous. They saw me and I starting sprinting to a house. I saw a man outside throwing something away and I starting screaming 'HELP ME!! THIS VAN IS FOLLOWING ME!! PLEASE HELP ME!!' The van FLOORED it to where I was, slowed down in front of me, and when they heard what I was saying, sped off. The man very curtly said he'd call the police. I asked if I could come in his home and he said no, went into his home and bolted the door in my face. At this point I was crying I didn't know where to go and was afraid the men would drive back. I ran into the backyard, and jumped three fences. I looked for a house with a car and some semblance of children. I found one and pounded on their door. The couple was kind and let me in. I was in hysterics and bawling. They kindly drove me the mile and half left to my house where I then called the police and filed a report. Sadly I didn't get the license plat number but I tried to describe everything else.

I said many pleading prayers throughout this incident to be protected and I can attest that I was. For those of you women who go running by yourself, I plead that you get a running partner. These scary incidents can happen at ANY time of the day. I'm so grateful I made it home okay and for the kind family that helped me.

I just wanted to post this for all you runners out there to be cautious and be aware. This happened to her in the middle of the day, so it wasn't dark out. It's a good thing she was alert and aware of her surroundings. I'm just grateful something terrible did not happen.

People I Want to Punch in the Throat

2012-01-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

Last month, I stumbled onto a great blog called People I Want to Punch in the Throat. The theme of the entry I stumbled upon was about the notorious "Elf on the Shelf" that became so popular this year, which left me laughing so hard I was crying and completely nodding in agreement. Since then, I've read most of her posts. Not too thrilled about some of the swearing, but she sure hits the nail on the head with a lot of what she says.

Today, I decided to do my own "People I Want to Punch in the Throat" post.

Parents who complain about their kids getting up too early when said kids are getting up at 7 am and later times.

Really?

If one more of my friends whines to me that her child woke her up so early at 7 am, boo hoo hoo, I might just rear back and throw that punch. Or the ones who give me all sorts of advice on how to make my baby sleep longer in the mornings.

Like I haven't tried everything out there.

What parent wants to get up at 4:30 a.m. every single day when everyone else in the house gets to sleep until 6 or 6:30?

I have four other children whom I've managed to get to sleep through the night just fine. I know what all the standard advice is already. He wakes up at 4:30 am hungry and sometimes he simply won't go back to sleep.

So it really bugs me in conversations when parents complain about 7 am being SO early. I get up so freakin' early every day that I don't function well and I can't do anything normal at all. Staying up until 9 pm feels like midnight to me. I wanted to go play stake basketball last night, but the game was at 9:15. I really had every intention of going. I even got ready to go. But in having to wait until so late, I fell asleep and when I woke up, it was 9:45.

Please spare me the sobby details of your life if your child wakes you up so early at 7 am. I'd happily pay someone money I don't have to train my baby to sleep until only 6 am. 7 am would be luxuriously sleeping in to me.

Book Review: Gone With the Wind

2012-01-25T13:00:00.002-07:00

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I quite enjoyed this book. I have loved reading historical fiction, especially from periods of war, as I find them quite fascinating. I have only ever read books from the point of view of the North during the Civil War so this was the first time reading about it from Southern perspective.

I think Margaret Mitchell's book is very well written and mostly easy to read. The hardest parts were the dialogue of the slaves, most of which I had to read out loud in order to understand what they were saying. I have seen the movie many, many times and feel that 1930's Hollywood did a much better job of putting a book to a movie than Hollywood does to most books-to-movies today.

The more I read, the less I liked Scarlett. I was familiar with her character, having seen the movie so many times, but I feel that much is left out of her character in the movie that is there in the book. I find her to be equitable with other loathsome female characters, like Bella Swann in the Twilight series and Catherine in Wuthering Heights. I think the thing I liked the least, though, was how I could relate to her on some of her lower levels. Makes me want to rethink my life and my priorities in life feeling that I am similar to her in any way.

Overall, I enjoyed the read. Not sure if I would ever read it again, just because it's so long and I'm sure I'd skip a LOT of the war and history if I ever did read it again. I definitely agree that it was Pulitzer Prize-worthy. Would recommend that anyone who has not read it to read this book!

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WAY

2012-01-25T05:55:00.000-07:00

I'm WAY tired!

That'll be WAY fun, let's do that!

I really can't stand the local colloquialism of Utah in the form of the word "way". I remember how much it annoyed me in high school. There was less of a problem with it in college because so many of my fellow BYU students were from outside of Utah, and I stopped hearing it. After being gone from Utah since 2000, coming back in 2009, that was one of the first things I noticed. Utahns still use the word "way" all the time.

My kids have started saying it.

I have started saying it. Nothing bothers me more than when that slips out of my mouth. I almost have to slap myself.

I heard the news anchor say it on the news this morning.

My seventh grade grammar teacher would be rolling in her grave (though I'm not sure if she's even passed on yet).

It's WAY annoying!

Moment of Joy

2012-01-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am going to try better and write about the more positive things in my life this year. My problem is that I often have a hard time seeing them. So yesterday, after I told my husband this little story on the phone while he was at work, I thought, I should write that on my blog!

We have been having enormous problems getting our baby to sleep well at night. Saturday night was no exception. He fussed quite a bit a couple hours after going down, but I let him fuss. He woke up around 1 am fussing, but I let him fuss. I normally let him fuss and hope he goes back to sleep (still makes me not sleep though) and only go in there to get him if he's really screaming. At 4:30 am on Sunday morning, he woke up screaming. I finally went in about 5 am and gave him a bottle. He wouldn't go back to sleep. Basically, that's how the whole morning went. I finally managed to coax him into a nap around 10 am but he only slept for one hour. He fell asleep in my arms at church, something that has only happened one other time with this baby (randomly falling asleep that is).

But after church, my husband went to work and I went home with the kids. We had our dinner and then the kids went upstairs to play.

My little boy loves to climb the stairs, and he loves to play with his big siblings, so he followed them up the stairs. I was two steps behind him the whole way to make sure he didn't fall. Once he got up, though, the kids didn't want him in their room since they were playing with Legos, so they shut the door. So I dumped out the bucket of Lego duplos for him to play with in the hallway and sat with him at the top of the stairs.

He picked up a Lego and threw up his arm, letting go so the Lego randomly flew through the air. It made him laugh, so he kept doing it. Then, once, he accidentally threw one down the stairs. That was incredibly funny to him, so he spend the next little while trying to intentionally throw the Legos down the stairs. He'd crawl carefully to the top of the stairs and peek over the edge whenever one disappeared down and then he'd laugh. Then, he'd hold his hand out to me and screech until I held my hand out and he gave me a high five. It was so cute and funny, I wish I could have video recorded it.

That was my moment of joy yesterday.

Refreshing Friendships

2012-01-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

Today I was able to spend some time with a former college roommate of mine. It's been a little more than a decade since seeing her last, as the last time I saw her I was newly engaged. In the time since, she has spent several years overseas and I have spent time teaching school and moving around the western United States and having my family.

One fun thing is that she and I have the same family makeup. We both have five kids--three boys, then a girl, then a baby boy. Her family is older, though, since she got married four years before I did, so her third child is the same age as my first child.

Anyway, it was such a refreshing day for me. I get to read her blog and she regularly reads and comments on mine. We keep up with each other via Facebook and email as well. But it was so nice to see her again in person and talk. I've had many friendships where things were a bit uncomfortable seeing each other for the first time in a decade, but this wasn't like that at all. I feel so rejuvenated after spending several hours chatting with her and watching our kids play together.

Isn't it wonderful when you can have a friend like that, where long-distance and lengthy separations don't seem to change anything? I am feeling much more positive and excited about things and I know it's from today's get-together. So here I am wishing her luck in her next endeavor, which is moving overseas once again with her family. Hopefully it won't be as long of a time before we see each other again!

Still Adjusting

2012-01-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling like I'm running to catch up. The thing is, I don't know what I'm trying to catch up to. I just feel like I'm not doing enough around here. I feel like my house is always a cluttery mess and I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything about making it look better. I have been trying to do this chore chart system that I set up last year but I can't seem to keep up with it. I can't seem to get myself out of bed in the morning to get going on my day like I want to. I used to get up around 6/6:30, shower and get ready, make breakfast, etc. Now, I drag myself out of bed at 6:30 and lounge around for an hour watching the kids get ready and they make themselves breakfast. It's like I've turned into this whole lazy version of myself. I've even been blaming my more "relaxed" husband on my laziness, thinking that his lack of action has rubbed off on me and since he doesn't care whether or not a task gets done, I have no motivation to do anything at all. And then I spend the rest of the time in my day stressing out about how I can't seem to get anything done.

However, after a lengthy chat with my mother last week, one of many lengthy chats actually (I've really become the needy emotional daughter lately too), I realized that I'm still adjusting to having five kids. I really had a good rhythm right after moving here in October 2009 until I got pregnant in August of 2010 and had bad morning sickness. I felt like I really had things under control. I was even doing things for myself--going out with friends to Girls' Night Out, taking violin lessons, involved in ward choir, hitting up every family social event and activity our community had to offer, etc., etc. The boys played baseball, we tried out tumbling and basketball and flag football.

But my anxiety and stress all stem from the fact that I feel like I have nothing under control anymore. My baby doesn't sleep all night STILL. Yep, he's 10 months old and still gets up 1-2 times per night, at least once to eat. His naps are still completely unpredictable. My kids are driving me stir-crazy because I don't have the energy to take them all over to be involved in different things. Right now, my daughter is in dance. The two older boys did flag football in the fall and they are doing an indoor soccer camp right now. The dance and soccer camp are both one night a week, one right after the other, so it's fairly easy that I only have one day of chaos. And even THAT is hard with a 10-month-old and other kids.

Having a Girls' Night Out just isn't happening with me lately. I'm too pooped by 8:00 pm to even imagine heading out that late. I can hardly keep my eyes open past 7:00. Even thinking about picking up my violin to practice wears me out. So does the thought of playing the piano. And forget about giving my boys lessons anymore. Right now, I'm having them review, review, review. They are to pick two songs every day that they've learned before and practice them. I just want them to keep it up but I don't have it in me to teach them.

When I did preschool with my 2nd, we did science and social studies and art and music in addition to math and reading. My 3rd child is just lucky we do anything at all. He doesn't really need it. He can already read the scriptures by himself and do adding, subtracting and basic multiplication. but I feel bad that we aren't exploring the world like I did with my older two.

So in talking with my mom, she made me realize that I'm still adjusting to that fifth child in the family. When he starts sleeping better and simply just gets older, I'll get my rhythm back. Until then, I guess I just have to be patient with myself. Which is not easy to do.

Boring

2012-01-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one whose life is kind of boring?

Whenever I call friends or family, they are always too busy to talk. They are too busy to get together. They are busy, busy, busy.

I have five kids and many of them have less.

What are they so busy with that I'm not? Am I really missing something in my life that I'm not so busy? Am I doing something wrong? Why is my life so boring and theirs so full?

I can't figure it out. You'd think five children would keep me pretty stinking busy, but it doesn't. My kids are pretty self-sufficient. They can entertain themselves the majority of the time. I do try to plan things to do, but it's overwhelming to me to plan every little detail of our lives, so I don't. Am I lazy?

In a typical day, I wake up during the night to my baby's cries and often don't get back to a deep sleep at all the rest of the night. I finally drag my weary body out of bed around 6:30 am because that's when the kids have to start getting ready for their day, especially the older ones who are in school. After the kids leave for the bus, I shower if I haven't already. I do preschool with my two older kids still at home (ages 4 and 5). I put the baby down for a morning nap. There isn't a whole lot to do at this point. I'll get online and check blogs, maybe blog a little, check Facebook, check email. Sometimes I'll chat with a friend, but usually they are all too busy. After the baby wakes up, we'll run any errands or go to playgroup or go to the library. In the summers we'll go outside.

Lunch is around noon. Then it's naptime again. I'll often catch a snooze while the baby is sleeping and the kids are either playing, doing artwork (we have an art station set up that is always open), watching Nick, Jr. on TV or playing phonics games on the computer together. Sometimes I let them play the Wii during this time. Often this nap will last until the older ones get home from school. Then it's homework time, dinnertime and bedtime. Some nights the kids have dance or cub scouts or other activities, but I don't like to sign them up for too much because then it's just me driving them around to places with other cranky kids and not having time to make a proper dinner.

My day sounds pretty full, so I can't figure out why my life is so boring and I'm so un-busy compared to everyone else. What am I missing?

Mom Guilt

2012-01-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from really bad mom guilt recently. I let my kids watch way too much T.V. and play video games too long.

They have to earn video game time by earning tokens for doing their daily routines and their chores. Each token is worth 15 minutes of video game time and they are supposed to be limited to thirty minutes per school day and one hour on weekends. If they play a game together, they can combine their time and therefore play longer. However, I'm so exhausted by my life right now (my baby does not sleep all night ever and is up fussing sometimes for hours at a time) that I often let them play longer than their time slot, often all afternoon as long as the homework is done.

I really feel strongly that video games are not the best thing for their developing brains. But it's cold outside and I'm exhausted and it keeps them happy and busy.

Same with TV. I have two preschoolers. I try to not have the TV on during the day, but again, I'm so tired and if I can get the baby to nap, on rare occasions, the TV saves me by giving my kids something to do to keep them quiet while the baby naps and allows me to snooze a little too.

I feel like I'm squandering away the lives of my little ones by letting them use these devices so frequently and for such long periods of time. Last Friday, I let my 5-year-old play the Wii for THREE hours while the older kids were at school. I was too tired to stop him and it was too easy to just let him keep playing.

And now that I've let these things take over, when I tell my kids no, they cry because they're bored and "there's nothing else to do, Mom!" So now I've done to myself what I've always thought could be easily avoided by limiting video games and TV. I've made my kids bored when they don't have these things to do.

Who Am I?

2011-12-28T21:15:00.001-07:00

Lately, I feel a little disappointed in who I am.

I'm not crafty. I'm not clever. I'm not funny. I'm not even that fun to be with. I'm a very serious, plain-minded person.

I wish I was really good at something. I do a lot of everything, but at everything I do, I am just mediocre. So mediocre in fact that I feel pretty much invisible. I feel like I could disappear and nobody would even notice I was gone.

I don't know if this is sort of a post-Christmas blues or a post-pregnancy loss blues. I just feel like I contribute nothing to anything.

Maybe I could be the best at being average?

You're Gonna Miss This

2011-12-27T10:45:00.002-07:00

You know the song by Trace Adkins?

You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days
Hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know this now
But you're gonna miss this.

I get this concept. I really do. But to be honest, when we look back at these things we miss, we don't think about the hard things. We only remember the good things. I miss when my older kids were snuggly chubby babies. They were so cute and giggly. They would smile huge when they saw me and reach their chubby hands up to touch my face. But I honestly don't remember all the long sleepless nights and the stretches of screaming when they were upset about something. I look back and think, Why can't my baby now sleep like his older siblings did when they were babies? They all slept nice and soundly through the night and rarely had a night where I was up all night with them. But then I look at old blog posts or journal entries and realize that was not the case.

So yes, I will miss this period of time when my children are young. But I won't miss some of the hard things about it.

I won't miss the nights when I can't get my baby to stop crying and can't figure out what's wrong with him. I won't miss the endless diaper changing and spit up. I won't miss having to spoon feed him several times a day.

I won't miss when my older kids call me from school telling me they are sick and the anxiety that shoots through me at that moment when I hope that nobody else gets what they have and that they won't miss too much school or be too sick. I won't miss when they clobber their sibling over the head because their sibling isn't sharing a certain toy.

There are definitely things I won't miss. In fact, I will probably block the hard things from my memory, as evidenced by the fact I already do it.

Little Irritations

2011-12-19T13:34:00.000-07:00

I hate making phone calls. I'd rather speak in church once a month than make a phone call.

Last January, I got my piano tuned. That is, January 2010. The guy who tuned our piano in Arizona lives in Utah (he travels between the two frequently) so I had him tune the piano here. During the tuning, he got distracted. It might have been one of my kids or a phone call he got. Anyway, he broke one of my piano strings. He promised he'd be back with a new string in about a month.

I waited. He never called. Finally, in about May, I started trying to track him down. Turns out the receipt I had from him didn't have a phone number on it, only a name. His number was no longer on my caller ID. My mom had used him to tune her piano before, so I called her about it. She couldn't find his number either.

Then, I kept forgetting about it. I'd only think about it when I played the piano, which was very often. In November 2010, my kids started taking piano lessons, so I thought about it, I just kept putting it off. I had tracked down a number which I found online, but it wasn't a working number. Finally, in January 2011, my mom had her piano tuned by him and got his number for me.

I called him several times, leaving messages throughout the next few months. Not every day. Only when I remember and only when I was feeling particularly brave. I finally managed to nail him down to come tune my piano again (offer him business, remind him of the broken piano string). He came to tune it and repair it and realized that the company he'd ordered the string from sent him the wrong string. So he left and said he'd contact me within the month about the string.

I called him within a month and he hadn't received the string yet. I've tried one other time since then, probably in about August.

Now it is December 2011 and I still don't have that string in my piano. I've looked into having someone else repair it, but it will cost around $200 or more for such a repair. He really needs to come back and do it. I really need to stop being afraid to call him. Maybe I will try later today.

More on Christmas

2011-12-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

I know in the past I've been a little down on the whole Christmas season. I think I've partly figured out why it stressed me out so much.

1. I do the whole thing by myself. From the baking, to the cards, to the presents, to the decorating, to the activities. If it's going to happen, I have to do it. My husband will help, but he thinks all of it is pointless and meaningless and it's hard soliciting help from someone with that attitude.

2. We have three birthdays in December. Check that. Three. In addition to buying Christmas presents for SEVEN people, we also have to buy at least one present per person for three birthdays. For birthdays around here, we like to let the person pick all their meals. So in addition to the cost, I also get to plan those days, sometimes it gets pretty strenuous. The biggest part is the cake or pie. My husband has to have banana cream pie. Often, I'll just let Marie Callendar do the baking, but sometimes we don't have the money and I usually have the ingredients for such a pie on hand.

3. The kids asking me and telling me all day every day for several months, more during December, what they want for Christmas or what they want to do as a fun Christmas activity is enough to drive a person insane.

Okay, enough with all that. Those are reasons why I'm wound tighter than a drum this time of year.

But, there is one thing about Christmas that I love to do. I will skip decorating. I will skip baking. I will do the most basic gifts. I will skip big meal preparation. I'll skip activities. But I never skip this.

I love to do Christmas cards. I love to get them too.

I know lots of people who don't like the Christmas card and letter tradition. They think it's a brag card and make fun of how people will list their accomplishments, etc. But I actually love reading those. I love finding out what my kids and their kids have in common. I feel like I'm getting to know them in a small way. I enjoy the pictures too and usually keep them up for quite a while.

Besides, do you really want to know that my son spent two months on and off with the stomach flu? Do you really want to know that my daughter still has accidents or gets up at night with bad dreams? Do you really want to know that my 5-year-old waits until I turn around to pound on his 9-month-brother and then every time I ask what happened, he says, "I don't know, I think he fell down?" Do you really want to know that my husband and I fight about how to decorate the tree every year? I mean, people don't want to hear the bad stuff, but they complain about hearing the good stuff.

The yearly Christmas card is something I will do every year until there is no longer a mail system and then I'll do it digitally. Hopefully, people will still reciprocate.

Call Me Scrooge

2011-12-17T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ever since we've had several children and no money, Christmas is my least favorite time of year. Which is ironic because growing up, it was my favorite. It was especially my favorite as a teenager, a college student, and then a young single adult teaching school. Even our first four or five years of marriage, there was something magic about this season. My birthday is on the 21st, so that's another reason I always loved this time of year.

When I was in school, I was involved in orchestras and choirs and the music was so wonderful this time of year. I also started mailing my own Christmas cards when I was in high school to friends who lived far away and that became a favorite part of Christmas.

But establishing traditions of our own as we've added more children to our family has become burdensome to me. I know Christmas isn't about how much you give and it isn't about how many fun things you do, but it sure feels like it sometimes. I remember when I was growing up, my parents would often become grouchier this time of year, and I always thought to myself, Just relax, Mom and Dad, this is all supposed to be FUN. Now I'm on the other end of that pistol and I can completely understand why my parents, particularly my mother, did not enjoy the holiday season the same way I did back then.

This year, there's this popular little thing to do that EVERYONE, and I mean, EVERYONE, is doing. It's called Elf on the Shelf.

I'm not doing it. Hadn't even heard about it until the first of December when one of my Facebook acquaintances posted a picture of their elf. I thought it was this clever little thing that she'd come up with (she's that type of person) but then I saw pictures of people's elves popping up all over Facebook. Honestly, it's not the idea of the Elf on the Shelf that bugs me; it's the pictures that everyone is putting on Facebook. It's like, Look at me, look at how awesome I am that I'm doing this for my kids for Christmas! To me, it would be the same as taking pictures of the decorated houses you drive around at Christmas time to see the lights and posting those on Facebook. Look at these awesome lights! Isn't this a great tradition, driving around looking at lights?

And then when I mentioned on Facebook that the "Elf on the Shelf" stuff was annoying, I shot myself in the foot. I think I will now be shunned by all members of my ward because I don't do "Elf on the Shelf".

So there you go. Just call me Scrooge.

Hair Envy

2011-12-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

I have a major case of hair envy. I always have, but I think it's worse now that I have a daughter. I feel bad that I passed on my horrible hair to her.

See, I have really thin, really fine hair. Now, I know a lot of people who have fine hair. But I don't know very many people who have the same combination of thin and fine hair. I don't have very much hair either and typically, the longest it ever gets, no matter how long I try to grow it out, is to my shoulders. That is where is stops growing.

I recently did a web search for hair updos for people with thin, fine hair like mine. Unfortunately, I pulled up a lot of ideas for fine hair, but the hair models in the Youtube videos did not have hair anything like mine. They had about twice as much hair and it was twice as long so they could do a lot more with it.

I saw a little girl at church today whose hair was pulled back into a pony tail, which had then been braided, which had then been wrapped around into a bun. This four-year-old's bun was about four times as large as mine would have been had you done the same thing to my hair. And I know her hair is about to her shoulders, maybe slightly longer, so it's not incredibly long to make such a thick bun.

I passed on this horrible hair to my daughter. So far, hers has grown longer than mine has ever been, but it is still baby fine and very, very thin. The tiny hair rubber bands that you use on little girls' hair I can wrap around her hair about 6-8 times, and that's her WHOLE head of hair.

Add to that my oddly shaped head (very small, flat in the back, kind of oval even) and you have a recipe for disaster for any type of updo. And I can't wear my hair down either because it just looks hideous. Plus in the winter, with the cold, the wind, and the dry heat indoors, it gets so full of static that I really can't wear it down. I can't even brush it. I haven't been able to brush my hair ever. It just gets too full of static from a hair brush. I have to use a pick and a comb.

Last night, at my daughter's dance recital, there were so many girls with beautiful, long, thick hair that it almost made me sad. Sad for me and my daughter.

My husband has a lot of hair and it's very thick. Why couldn't she have inherited that? Why do our kids (at least mine anyway) always seem to inherit the things we like least about ourselves?

Parenting Book Giveaway on Friend's Blog

2011-12-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

My friend is doing a giveaway on her blog for a parenting book. I have read some articles in the Deseret News by Robert and Linda Eyre about parenting and have really enjoyed those that I have read.

Reading Books Just Because

2011-11-29T21:12:00.001-07:00

I joined the website Goodreads not too long ago and it's been great for finding books to read from my friends and also for keeping a list of books to read in a place I can always find it.

However, I'm finding that I'm adding books to my list that I don't really want to read. I'm only adding them because so many other people have read them and they are classic books.

One such set of these books are the books by Tolkien. I realize that he is quite revered in many circles; in fact, many of my own family members love his books. So I decided that I needed to read "The Lord of the Rings". I did some research and decided to read "The Hobbit" first. My husband also read it a few months ago.

This book is complete drudgery to me. I'm not the least bit interested in the characters or the plot. I've never read "The Lord of the Rings" either, but I lost interest about 1/3 of the way through the first movie. It's just not up my alley. I love fantasy and really get into certain types, but this type is just not something I'm interested in.

But I'd still like to try and read the books. Maybe I'll find more to be interested in as I go along, I don't know. Right now, I'm about 1/4 of the way into "The Hobbit" and bored out of my mind every time I pick the dreadful thing up.

I guess some books and some people just don't mesh!

Worn Out

2011-11-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

I am really feeling run down today. I've been feeling happy the last week and hopeful about everything still going on with the molar pregnancy, but today, I think all the exhaustion from caring for my family and not really having time for myself this last week is catching up.

My son and daughter who've been sick seem to be doing better. I'm hoping for good health this weekend because my husband and I are going on a trip and taking the baby and the rest of the kids are staying with a nice young couple from the ward (sad that we no longer fit into the category of "young married couple").

But I haven't been sleeping well. I'm too worried about everything, from sick kids, to Christmas, to healing fully from the molar pregnancy.

Today I had another blood test to check my hcg levels from the pregnancy. They have gone down again, which is good, but they are not back to normal so I have to go in again next week. My poor arms have had it with all the pokes and the ladies who do the drawing at my lab are horrible at it. They used to have two other girls there that were really good but now both the girls they have are just terrible. Today, and last week, she missed my vein in one arm and had to draw from the other. Since I've had so many pokes in the last three weeks, my arms are not healing--they are still bruised and with clots around where the last poke was. It hurts really bad every time and I'm not looking forward to next week. I am hoping that the levels get back to normal soon so I can stop having all these pokes! Plus the sooner they go back to normal, the sooner we can start with our six months of waiting to be able to try again for a baby.

Anyway, it was just frustrating to get that news back at the end of the day today. I was so hopeful that the numbers would go back to normal by today. Guess it takes longer than a few weeks.

Book Review: Faith of Our Fathers

2011-11-27T20:08:00.002-07:00

Faith of Our Fathers: One Nation Under God by Nancy Campbell Allen

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed this series, especially reading about that period in history. I definitely had characters I attached to but some of it was a little too cheesy and unrealistic for my taste. I have actually read this series before, about ten years ago, and found that certain side subplots were so unnecessary to the main story that I skipped them altogether and didn't miss out on anything. Overall, though, I did enjoy reading these.

View all my reviews

Challenges of Children

2011-11-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

It's been an exhausting week for me. My daughter, who will be four in about ten days, has not been sleeping at night. She wakes up at least half a dozen times almost every single night because she's scared of the "haunted people". Now I don't really believe that she's seeing things. I think she's scared herself from all the pretend play she's done with her brothers since October that has revolved around haunted houses and ghosts, goblins, witches, vampires, etc. We have since banned all scary play from our house (this week we did) because they would play it during the day and then she wouldn't sleep all night. Plus, she won't go play in another part of the house by herself. If we are downstairs doing something, she won't go play upstairs unless someone is with her. That is how much she has scared herself.

In addition to being very frightened every night, she's also developed a pretty bad case of croup. During the day she is mostly fine, coughing occasionally, but at night, she has trouble breathing and is awake coughing. So even if she wasn't afraid to sleep, she still wouldn't because of all the coughing. I know how to treat croup, as my now seven-year-old child had it all the time when he was ages two through about six (and he still had it a couple weeks ago, just not as bad as he used to get it). We've had her sit in the bathroom each night before bed with the hot shower running (usually when one of us showers) to help clear things up and then we've been running the humidifier in the room she's been sleeping in, and she's been doing okay, but it hasn't been fun. Two nights, she was separated from everyone else because the cough was so bad and because she was alone in the guest room, I had to sleep with her because she was too afraid. I don't sleep well when I sleep with any of the kids for any reason.

On top of that, the baby started having diarrhea right about Monday or Tuesday. I'm not sure which day he started in with it. I only remember that last Sunday, diarrhea wasn't a concern with him--he had croup too and was up coughing a lot the couple nights before Sunday. And I know that by Wednesday, the diarrhea was bad enough that he started with TERRIBLE diaper rash, which is now so bad that he is bleeding. He still has the diarrhea too, and I don't know what is causing it. I had introduced a new food last weekend, on Friday or Saturday, which was squash. He started with the diarrhea 2-3 days later, so I stopped giving him squash. If it had been the squash, you'd think he'd be done with the diarrhea by now, but he still has it. In fact, he's been refusing ALL solids and only drinking about 3/4 of his bottle every time. He's not grumpy at all when awake and not feverish, so I can't figure out what's wrong. But it's been 5-6 days of diarrhea and I'm starting to get worried.

So with all that, I'm completely exhausted. Oh, and I have three other kids to care for who keep seeming to need my attention. Go figure. Kids that need their mom's attention. It's a crazy life.

On a side note, I was uploading pictures yesterday and found a few pictures that my eight-year-old took of the baby in the laundry basket. He's so dang cute, you just can't resist those cheeks.

Feeling Good

2011-11-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for feeling good. After nine weeks of feeling so awful, it's nice to have energy and not feel sick all the time. I can eat and doing things actually sounds fun instead of exhausting.

And there are all these things that sound like fun. I want to go ice skating. I think church basketball is starting up soon, and I'm looking forward to that. I can't wait for my husband's work Christmas party next weekend in California--they fly us out, and it's a fancy dinner and dancing at a nice hotel and then they fly us home. Two weeks ago when we found out about it, I wasn't thrilled at all because it sounded exhausting and I was so sick. But now, I can't wait. I've ordered a dress, should come today or tomorrow, I've been looking at online tutorials for ways to do my hair, I'm going through my fancy jewelry and trying to decide whether I should wear a pair of shoes I already own or purchase a new pair. Maybe a manicure/pedicure is in order as well. I can't wait!

And I love being able to eat! I had a pb&j today for the first time in seven weeks and the smell of peanut butter did not make me nauseated. And I'm still hungry and could eat some more without feeling sick.

After nine weeks of feeling so awful, I feel so physically good right now. And being able to sleep at night (due to not feeling sick--oh and my baby is doing much better) is so wonderful.

Yea for feeling good!

Getting Back Into the Swing of Things

2011-11-21T19:10:00.002-07:00

I feel the need to return to my never-ending to-do list. It sort of became neglected in the last few weeks. Now it seems like there are so many things I could be doing rather than lounging around on the couch watching TV all day, which is what I've done the past several weeks.

Here is my list the last time I did anything on it, which was before Halloween.

____Blog book
____Recipe book
____Garage Sale
____Fix It (____Piano Bench,____Closet Doors,____Kitchen Cabinet,____Kitchen sink and counter,____Dresser Drawer)
____5-year-old's 5-year pictures
____8-month-old's 6 month pictures
____New charts (____Daily Routine,____Sunday activities,____tokens)
____curtains
____ceiling fans
____costumes
____storage room
____organize pictures on computer

I'm pleased to say that some of these things got done despite me not staying on top of this list. Here it is currently:

____Blog book
_X__Recipe book
____Garage Sale
____Fix It (_X__Piano Bench (buying a new one--decided old one can't be fixed),_X__Closet Doors,____Kitchen Cabinet,____Kitchen sink and counter,_X__Dresser Drawer)
_X__5-year-old's 5-year pictures
_X__8-month-old's 6 month pictures
_X__New charts (_X__Daily Routine,_X__Sunday activities,_X__tokens)
____curtains
____ceiling fans
_X__costumes
____storage room
____organize pictures on computer

So my ongoing to-do list has now been cut down to this:
____Blog book
____Garage Sale
____Fix It (____Kitchen Cabinet,____Kitchen sink and counter)
____curtains
____ceiling fans
____storage room
____organize pictures on computer

Although, I have had to add this:
____Call Home warranty to see if garage door is covered and then get it fixed.

So, I think that the next project I will embark on will be organizing my digital pictures and working on my blog book (for 2010--I'm a little behind!).

Excited to begin!

Cooking and Baking

2011-11-20T21:58:00.001-07:00

One positive thing in the last few days has been the return of my appetite and the disappearance of my nausea. Today, I just felt like baking and cooking. I woke up this morning with a hankering for cinnamon rolls, so I got online and found the recipe that my friend posted on her food blog not too long ago and tried it out. I have tried about four other cinnamon roll recipes in the last year or so and none of them have turned out, and the only one that did, we didn't really like, it was too heavy. These were easy and didn't take very long to make--only about an hour total. I used another recipe I'd found on another blog for the glaze (icing). I had tried those cinnamon rolls too but they didn't turn out for me.

Since I had such great success with the cinnamon rolls, I decided to make my grandmother's roll recipe. I have yet to accomplish making them turn out exactly right, but this time they turned out better than any past attempts.

Since my husband was off today, a rare Sunday that he didn't work, we made a roast the right way instead of doing a pot roast. We browned the meat in the roaster in the oven at a high heat for 20 minutes and then brought the heat down and roasted the meat for another hour or so. It was delicious. My husband makes awesome mashed potatoes, so he did that part and we also made gravy.

For dessert, I decided to try my hand at that same grandmother's fudge. The last time I made that fudge was Christmas in about 1992, when I was 14 or 15 years old. I'm still waiting to see if it turned out. I'm not so sure it's going to set.

Rolls
Lavee Fowles
1 Tbsp yeast
4 Tbsp sugar
2 cups milk, warmed (105-120)
1 egg
6 cups sifted flour
4 Tbsp melted shortening or oil (I used oil)
2 tsp salt

Dissolve yeast and sugar in warm milk. Let set a few minutes until foamy. Add shortening and half of flour and egg. Beat until smooth. Add salt and remainder of flour. Knead well (in Bosch or Kitchenaid 15 minutes). Place in greased bowl. Cover with dish towel. Let rise until double in bulk; stir down. Cover well and refrigerate until needed. Roll out to 1/4-inch thick. Brush lightly with melted butter and cut with biscuit cutter. Crease lightly through center and fold, pinching closed. Place on well-greased pan one inch apart. Cover and let rise until light, about 45 minutes. Bake at 425 about 10 minutes.

Fudge
Lavee Fowles

1/2 cup Hershey's cocoa
3 cups sugar
1/8 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
1-1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup butter

Combine cocoa, sugar and salt in a large saucepan (4 qt size). Add milk gradually, mix thoroughly; bring to a bubbly boil on high heat stirring continuously. Reduce heat to medium and continue to boil the mixture, without stirring, until it reaches 234 degrees F (soft, firm ball). Be sure bulb of thermometer is not resting on bottom of pan. Remove saucepan from heat and add butter and vanilla. Do not stir. Allow fudge to cool at room temperature to 110 degrees. Beat until fudge thickens and loses some of its gloss. Quickly pour and spread fudge in lightly buttered 8X8X2 pan. Cool and cut.

The tricky part of that last recipe is knowing how long to beat the fudge. I think I did for about 30 minutes and it still seemed runny, but I followed everything else exactly. I put it in the fridge to set, so we'll see how it turns out. It might end up runny, but still tasty.

Molar Pregnancy

2011-11-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been out all week because I got the devastating news that I have had a molar pregnancy.

In case you don't know what that is, you can click on this link here and find out. I am still waiting to hear back on the lab results from what was extracted from my d & c yesterday, but the doctor seemed certain that what I had was a partial molar pregnancy.

Right now, I am trying to focus on recovering from surgery and resting as much as possible.

I spent all day Wednesday crying.

I feel like my body has betrayed me. For the next six months to a year, I will have to be retested to make sure that the mole hasn't grown back and that it's not cancerous. We won't even be able to try to have another baby for at least a year or two and at that point, there is a possibility of a repeat of the molar pregnancy. Obviously we will have time to discuss this and decide what to do, but by then I will be 36 and I'm not sure I will want to have another baby. There are so many more risks the older you get (and the more previous pregnancies you've had).

Plus, I just endured the worst nine weeks of my life with the worst morning sickness I've ever had (worsened by the molar pregnancy, actually) and I'm not sure I want to go through being that sick for that long ever again. One of the nicest things about today as opposed to two days ago is that everything sounds good and I can eat whatever I want without gagging or actually throwing up. I can even skip eating and still not gag.

So is God trying to tell us that we're done? I'll be honest here. I haven't heard much from His end lately. Believe me, I've tried. But it's like making a phone call with nothing but static on the other end. I have gotten no feelings one way or the other about anything I've prayed about. I had several priesthood blessings over the course of the last several weeks and I don't think one of them helped. My faith is being tested and I am failing. God may be a God of miracles, but not in my case. And if He cares so much, then why do I feel so empty like He's so far away?

You know what the hardest part has been? Explaining to my children how they are NOT going to have another brother or sister next June and how it's possible they may not ever have another brother or sister again. They were quite upset.

I think this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my footing. I guess I don't understand, in a world of sin and thoughtless sex and careless parents, why God would deny me the chance to raise a baby up right? I'm angry and bitter and just very sad.

Waiting

2011-11-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting to hear my results from my blood test on Friday. I've been spotting for a few weeks, but I spotted with my last four pregnancies and they turned out fine, so it's hard to say that this is a miscarriage. I've had no cramping, only spotting. My blood test came back on Wednesday with high HCG levels. Thy retested on Friday to see if the levels had gone down or up but unfortunately did not get the results back by Friday evening, so I've had to wait out the weekend. I'm so sick of waiting to hear if I've actually miscarried or not. I wish that if I have, my body would just cooperate and do what it's supposed to do. I wish that if I haven't, my body would just cooperate and stop spotting so I can feel more positive about things. I feel like I'm in limbo, can't go either direction until I know for sure.

And when I feel like this, everything annoys me to death. I can't stand to be around people at all. I can't stand to be around my kids, they drive me crazy. I just want peace and quiet and time to sleep and time to reflect and figure out how to feel. I especially don't like caring for a baby when I'm feeling like this. They are so much work--carrying them up and down the stairs, changing diapers and clothes and having to use a billion burp cloths, following them around as they crawl and get into things, feeding them bottles and solids and trying desperately to get them to go to sleep for naps and night time. It's all so exhausting. If this really is a miscarriage, when all is said and done, I'm taking off to some exotic destination for a few days to regroup. Maybe I won't ever come back. Winter is starting, after all, and I just can't handle the cold. Don't think I will ever be able to handle it.

Change That

2011-11-11T07:54:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm feeling very out-of-sorts today and the last couple.

I've still been very sick, which really bites.

Here's why.

There is a huge possibility that I'm no longer pregnant. Actually, it's more likely than not. They are still doing a few blood tests, and I haven't been bleeding any more than I did in the past four pregnancies, which all turned out fine. But when I went in for an ultrasound on Wednesday to verify the pregnancy, I found out that they couldn't see anything in there. Well, anything more than a little blip, which is not what they should see at 9-1/2 weeks.

So there you have it. Impending miscarriage. I'm waiting for the phone call telling me the results of the two blood tests that I took prove it's a miscarriage and then the scheduling of a d & c, since I'm not bleeding on my own. Not looking forward to another d & c, as the last time I had one, the doctor poked a hole in my uterus. I feel very fortunate that after that incident I was still able to have four children.

Today I'm still hoping, the tiniest shred of hope, that they are wrong and I'm still pregnant. But it's not looking very likely.

My Absence

2011-11-02T17:02:00.001-06:00

Last month, I had committed to write every day but then I stopped in the middle of the month and haven't written anything since.

There is an explanation for that.

Remember last year when I groaned in agony over my horrible nausea that comes with pregnancy?

Well, I have the same problem again. Only it's worse this time AND I have a 7-month-old who is having gastrointestinal issues that make him a bad sleeper, so I'm exhausted and not feeling good.

It's been tough. I probably won't write a whole lot again until I'm feeling better, so another month or two.

On a happy note, I had my first ob appointment today. My due date is 6-11-2012. And then we will be done with our family--six kids in nine years. It would be cool if this was a girl, but a healthy boy will be fantastic also.

Now if you will please excuse me. My stomach is feeling very unsettled right now.

Food Cravings

2011-10-14T18:05:00.000-06:00

You know what is the worst? When you crave something, so that's what you decide to fix but then you taste something else while you're out and now that's all that sounds good. I've been wanting pizza all day, which is good since Fridays are pizza nights and I always make pizza. But then, when I was at the grocery store, I sampled some steak they were cooking up and it was so tasty. Now all I want is steak. Go figure.

Of course, now that I'm looking at the pictures of pizza, that looks delicious again. Maybe I'm just hungry.

Guarding Our Children

2011-10-13T20:16:00.000-06:00

Today my oldest child went into a neighbor's house without telling us where he was going. He violated two rules. First, he's supposed to tell us where he's going. Second, he's supposed to ask to go in certain people's houses. There are some people in our neighborhood that we know pretty well now and our kids only have to let us know they will be at so-and-so's house. But some people, like the next door neighbors, we really don't know all that well.

We see them around and our kids play outside with their kids all the time. But honestly, we've never had a sit-down conversation with them. Here is what we know about them. They are members but they are inactive. They are both chain smokers. They tried to move last year around this time, but we guess it didn't work out because they are back. And they were back suddenly. Only now, they are even more unfriendly and cold.

We say hello. I have tried to initiate conversation with the parents a few times. But they never really respond. The man is much nicer than the woman. She is very cold. Their kids are really nice and get along great with our kids.

Anyway, our kids have never gone in their house and their kids have never come in our house. Up until today, our kids had never expressed a desire to go in their house. When I went outside to call the kids in, the neighbor's daughter and my 2nd, 3rd and 4th children were all outside together. Missing were the neighbor's son and my oldest. I figured they were around somewhere. The other kids hadn't noticed that they'd even left the group. I went upstairs to fold laundry and five minutes later, my oldest was tromping up the stairs and my husband was yelling at him to get in the shower, put on p.j.'s and that he was to be on his bed until dinner and then the rest of the night.

I went and asked my son where he was when I couldn't find him. He told me he was at the park. I asked where he was when he left the park (we have a little neighborhood park right across the street from our house where the kids always go). He said he never left. I went down and asked my husband who SAW our son leaving the neighbor's house.

My son told me that he didn't ask or tell us because he knew we'd say no.

I don't want to be the paranoid mother and I don't want to think the worst of people, but I hardly know these people, at least what they are really like. All I know of them is surface. So excuse me if I'm a little wary of letting my precious children go into their house.

He may ask to go in their house in the future and I may still say no. I may never say yes. If I can't get to know these people better, the kids might just have to be "outside" friends.

Have you any similar experiences or concerns?

Baby Problems

2011-10-12T13:47:00.000-06:00

For me, if someone wants to torture me, all they'd have to do is keep me awake long enough for me to be sleep deprived. Yup, this is torturous to me.

Saturday night: baby went down FINALLY around 9 pm. Woke up at 10:30. Down again at 11:00. Woke again around 1:30. Down again by 2 pm. Woke again at 4:30 then again at 5:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep. At 8:30, I finally got him down for a nap and he slept until 10:30. Went to church, came home, he slept again from 2:30 to 3:50. Same story Sunday night.

Sunday night: down FINALLY around 9 pm, after two hours of trying to get him to go to sleep. Woke up SCREAMING at 10:15. Put him down and he woke up SCREAMING again at 11:30. I brought him into bed with me and the rest of the night was the same--45 minutes of sleep then 30 minutes of screaming.

Monday: Woke up for the day at 6 am. Baby went down for a nap FINALLY at 10 am. Slept til 12:30. Took another nap from 2:30 to 4:00. Went to bed at 7 pm. Slept until 7 am.

Tuesday: Woke at 7 am. Went down for nap at 8:30 am. Slept until 10 am. Second nap not until 1:30 pm. Slept until 2:30 pm. Fell asleep at 6:45 in carseat and stayed asleep until 9:15 pm. Went back to sleep and slept until 4:30.

Wednesday: 4:30 a.m. Baby up. Wouldn't go back to sleep. 8:45 nap. Woke up 9:15. 11:45 nap. Woke up 12:15.

Now it's 1:40 and he won't go to sleep but it doesn't matter because I have to take one of my other kids in to the doctor for a regular checkup anyway and if he fell asleep I'd just be waking him up.

I feel like screaming and crying.

Most of all, I just want to sleep.

On top of all that, I'm just not feeling good.

I'd really like a break. I'd really like for the doctor to just figure out what's wrong with my baby so he can eat and sleep like a normal baby.

Yes, he's seven months old and still not on solids because every time I try any solids, he gets bad tummyaches and won't sleep and spends all his time screaming. We waited TWO weeks between every single introduction to solids.

In my book, it points to something wrong with his digestive system. Not a food allergy. A food allergy would be consistent with one food and with elimination, the problem would be resolved. We even changed his formula. After having a rough adjustment to a new formula, he's not doing any better.

He doesn't show signs of a food allergy either. His poop is regular, although he seems to have trouble passing it, it is not constipated (not hard or dry). It's not super runny and super frequent either, like diarrhea would be. There is no blood in his stool. There is no vomiting. There is spit up, but compared to the spit up he had up until about 5 months, it's really quite minimal and not nearly as bad as any of the other kids.

The only signs that something is wrong are how often he screams and cries when he should be sleeping and how little he sleeps.

I'm really convinced that something isn't right, but I don't know what and I don't know how to convince a doctor to take a closer look. I'm afraid to give him solids. I'm afraid to give him formula. I'm afraid of feeding him at all. He pushes the bottle out of his mouth while screaming in hunger at the same time.

Something isn't right.

Something simply isn't right.

Don't judge too quickly

2011-10-11T21:09:00.000-06:00

My friend posted this link on Facebook. I read the whole blog post, which was rather long. It was about how a father in a store had belittled his child to make him feel like nothing. The man who wrote the post, a single father, was upset because he sees too many dads doing such things and not realizing how powerful a role they have in their child's life.

I agree with much of what he said about the role of fathers and how a comment, a touch, a kind word or an angry word, can make or break a child was true. I think dads play a powerful role in the life of a child and a very important one.

However, I think in his overly long rant, he went a bit too far. Sometimes, as parents, we just get angry. Sometimes, as parents, we say angry words that are hurtful to our children. Sometimes we don't apologize for them either. I don't think that necessarily will screw our kids up for life because we might do that.

And we also shouldn't really judge what another person is doing at a grocery store in the five or so minutes we see them. We don't know the whole story. Someone posted a video on Facebook a while ago about not knowing the whole story, seeing through new lenses. I wish I could post the link but I couldn't find a non-Facebook link to the video. A man is having a bad day and annoyed with the people around him until he is handed the special glasses. When he puts the glasses on, he sees a statement with each person explaining a little bit of what they're going through and he begins to understand why people act the way they do.

So let's not judge others on their parenting unless they're actually being abusive. I don't think it's right. I've had those days where I was the one yelling at my kids in the grocery store and I don't feel like I'm a terrible parent. We all have bad days. In the meantime, we can try to control our anger and be better parents.

P.S. Try this link to the video and see if it works (if you're on Facebook).

Sewing Club

2011-10-10T20:55:00.000-06:00

When I was in fourth grade, my friend and I wanted to start a sewing club. We thought it would be a fun place to be with friends and to also learn how to sew. We planned all these fun projects we could do (neither of us really knowing how to sew at that point). We organized every minor detail of the club. It was all very exciting. But it never panned out.

It would have been neat if we had made it work. I remember going through my mom's patterns and picking out the ones we wanted to learn how to do. I can even remember some of the specific patterns.

The thing is that I wasn't brave enough to actually initiate starting the club. My friend and I talked about it all the time. It really was mostly a club just for the two of us where we talked about sewing. But to actually start the club, well, neither of us had the nerve to try, especially me.

It's kind of too bad that I'm still like that. I have all these ideas but am always afraid to try them. Or when I finally do, I try them with the wrong people, people who, although good friends of mine, aren't really interested in doing something like that.

I think it would be awesome to go on a cruise with a bunch of girlfriends, or have a girl weekend away and go to the beach or somewhere fun. But I don't seem to have a group of girlfriends who share that interest.

I think it would be fun to have a girls group where we have girls night out, but we don't always just meet at a restaurant and talk. Playing board games is fun. Meeting to go do something, like ice skating or bowling, or going to a museum or another tourist site would be fun. But I can't ever seem to make that happen.

So, if you're a cool chick who makes things like that happen, what's your secret?

Same as Always Sunday

2011-10-09T19:47:00.000-06:00

I almost didn't go to church today. I just didn't want to. I was up with the baby at 10:30, 12:30, 4:30 and 5:30 last night. My husband closed at work, so he worked from 4:30 pm until 2:00 a.m. That pretty much makes him useless all day Sunday. I'm lucky if he makes it to church on the days after he closes. Though it's better now with him working only 15 minutes away and church not starting until 11 a.m., but I feel like his mother dragging him out of bed at 10:15, begging him to hurry so we won't be late for church.

Anyway, back to the original story. I didn't want to go to church. I'm tired of church through my eyelids. Frankly, it's majorly uncomfortable to try and sit upright in a pew or in a chair for three straight hours as exhausted as I am, not to mention embarrassing at how easily I fall asleep.

I get nothing out of church. Nothing. I don't even feel the Spirit anymore. Can't remember what that feels like, really.

And I knew that if I went to church, I wouldn't get a decent nap at all today. I was right. I got to sleep for about 20 minutes before my husband had to leave for work again. When he left through the garage, that woke the baby up, and I had to get up. Now the baby won't go to bed.

Anyway, I did go to church. I guess my sense of duty is more powerful than my exhaustion. I don't remember a thing that was said. Mostly, though, I went because at 10:15 am, my husband was still not out of bed and the kids were all ready to go. So I got myself dressed (had showered at 5:30 am when the baby wouldn't go back to sleep) and made sure the rest of us were ready. We actually weren't late this time and even got there early enough to sit up front. But still, I hate rushing to church, especially since I'm up at the crack of dawn (actually, much earlier now that it's darker later), and I hate going to church tired. Lately, I find myself not wanting to go to church at all. Yet, still I go. Now that's dedication for you.

Favorite Toys

2011-10-08T17:38:00.001-06:00

Did you have a favorite toy as a child? Did it have a name? What memories are connected with it?

My favorite toy(s) as a child were my Barbie horses. I had three of them. Dallas, Dixie and Honey. I played with those things so much that I ended up breaking off most of the their legs from the knees down. They did not survive my childhood even though my Barbies did.

Honestly, though, I had forgotten about my Barbie horses until my daughter started getting into My Little Pony. I remembered that I had two My Little Ponies. One was a purple unicorn with a white mane and tail and the other was a white pegasus with an orange mane and tail. I was explaining to my husband how I didn't really like the My Little Ponies as much as I liked the Barbie horses because the Barbie horses were more realistic. I never did get into My Little Pony very much.

Upon remembering this, I decided to see if I could find any of these Barbie horses on E-bay. I ended up finding ALL of them on E-bay, plus ones that were before my time and even later. I bid on all the ones I could and won almost all of them. Now, I have a full set of the Barbie horses I had, two of them are mint, in my closet and all the extras I won went into my daughter's toy box.

My husband laughs at me for buying the mint ones. He asked if I would ever let my kids play with them and I told him probably not. I just wanted them to look at and remember some of my favorite times as a child, I guess.

IMPROVE the Moments

2011-10-07T21:47:00.001-06:00

So I've been doing a little therapy these last couple of months, just to work through some things and to try and gain a better perspective. Anyway, I learned this great technique for when I feel like things are flying out of control and I feel panicky and anxious. Here it is: IMPROVE the moments.

Imagery--Focus on an image, either imagined or real, that brings peace and serenity. This could be a memory, faces of people you love, a picture hanging in your house, etc.

find Meaning--Think "What can I learn from this?" instead of "Why is this happening to me?"

Prayer--Pray for strength, comfort, answers, etc. to help get through the moment.

Relaxation--Do something that relaxes you. A bubble bath, playing the piano, going for a walk, etc.

One thing in the moment--Focus on only one thing that you can get done or that needs to be done.

Vacation--Take a break. Either a real vacation, like a girls night out, or just a change of scenery, like taking the kids to the park to get out of the house on a nice day.

Encouragement--Give yourself self-encouragement "You can do this!"

I feel like this has been helping me, simply by giving me something to focus on when I'm feeling like things are out of control. Which, with five kids under nine, is bound to happen at least once a day or more!

New Recipe

2011-10-06T21:18:00.001-06:00

Tonight I tried something new for dinner. I don't usually fly by the seat of my pants in cooking. People have complimented my cooking before, but I'm really only just very good at following recipes (most of the time). However, I like to utilize my leftovers and sometimes eating them the same way they were served the first time is incredibly boring.

Since we had oven-baked chicken on Sunday and I really don't like eating those leftovers (a leftover chicken thigh with skin reheated is just not very good), I was brainstorming what I could do with it. I decided that I would take the leftover pieces and take all the chicken off the bones and save it. Then I would throw it in the crockpot with some salsa and then serve it over rice.

Well, it didn't end up working out how I had planned. My husband and I ended up using the leftover chicken for lunch. He tossed some of it with shredded cheese and salsa into a quesadilla and I used some of it for a BBQ chicken pizza.

So when today came up, the day I was supposed to use it for dinner, I went with my original idea, only I thawed some chicken breasts I have in the freezer and used those. I tossed them in the crockpot and covered them with salsa. Then I set it on low and let it simmer for about four hours. I cooked up some rice and shredded some cheese and served it over rice topped with cheese. The kids LOVED it! Maybe I can try adding things like pinto beans or other veggies to the mix as well.

The nice thing was that it was easy and very few ingredients, most are ones that we almost always have on hand.

Salsa chicken over rice

3-4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
jar of salsa--whatever floats your boat
rice
shredded cheese (we like mild cheddar)

Place thawed (or partially thawed) chicken in crockpot and cover with salsa. Simmer on low for until chicken is cooked (our crockpot tends to cook things at too high a heat so an 8 hour recipe on low really only takes 4-5 hours).
Serve over rice and top with shredded cheese.

Was my college education wasted?

2011-10-05T13:35:00.001-06:00

Was it worth it? The time, the money. I don't teach in an elementary school and haven't for eight years now. I don't even help out at the school.

What about my husband's? He majored in the easiest thing possible so he could finish as quickly as possible. Communications. He is a manager for a fast food company. They train all their managers from within, and don't even take into consideration the education level. Having one won't hurt but it's not necessary for promotion. So was that wasted time and money on his part?

What about my sister-in-law who majored in physics? At least there is practical application in child-rearing with what I studied--how children grow and learn, different methods of teaching them, what problems to expect. Was her education, the time and money spent on that, wasted as well?

I think having a college education is very valuable. Is it the most important thing? No. Can we be successful and smart in life without one? Sure.

I think people who blast college educations, however, are somewhat ignorant. They don't understand that in college, besides hopefully finding a focus that will help establish you in a career, you are also taught to think. You are allowed to examine different perspectives and analyze the information you find and sift through it for what's important. You gain a broader understanding of the world, of other people, and of their thoughts and ideas. That is what general eds are for--to gain perspective and hopefully find something to narrow your focus.

Even meeting the people I met helped broaden my mind and give me enlightenment and understanding. I met people from many walks of life from all over this country and the world. I had friends from Hungary, France, Germany, Italy, Argentina, and Chili. I spent some time in Mexico and learned Spanish. None of that I probably would have done had I not gone to college and had the opportunity through school to do it.

I think it's upsetting that college costs are rising through the roof. But I still don't think that negates the value gained from getting a college education.

Perhaps I will use my education degree again someday to help with income. Perhaps I won't. I still will never regret those four years I spent at BYU, paying them for my studies, and studying what I did.

Busy Day Schedule

2011-10-04T19:26:00.000-06:00

This is how my day went.

6 am Woke up to baby crying. Husband went to the store for more formula and to get gas in his car.

6:15 am Baby was almost back to sleep but sound of garage door woke him

6:30 am I shower but don't have a chance to dry and do my hair.

6:45 am I discovered that we accidentally paid our car payment twice and therefore had an overdraft all BEFORE husband's early morning store trip. That's $113 over (formula, car gas, some of the second car payment)

7:15 am We have scripture reading and prayer and husband leaves for work. We eat breakfast. I make kids' lunches and manage while they get ready for the day.

8:00 am Walk to the bus with all five kids and the neighbor boy who I help to see off to the bus every day.

8:30 am Put the baby down for a nap.

9:15 am Baby wakes up

9:30 am I do preschool with my 3 and 5-year-olds.

10:45 am Finish preschool. Put baby down for nap.

11:15 am Eat lunch

11:45 am Lay down while 5-year-old plays with Legos and 3-year-old watches Nick, Jr.

12:30 pm Baby wakes up

12:30-2:00 pm Help kids with Legos. Look up Lego directions online. Try to straighten up.

2:00 pm Start the canning process by pulling all the stuff out and running the jars through a heat cycle

3:00 pm Put baby down for nap

3:15 pm Start actually canning

3:30 pm Boys get home from school. They go outside to play. I keep on canning.

3:45 pm Baby wakes up

4:00 pm Peaches in jars in canner with timer on

4:30 pm Kids come in and start homework. I start making dinner and clean up from canning at same time.

5:10 pm Eat dinner.

5:35 pm Leave house for flag football. 5-year-old now has headache, fever, chills, and sore throat.

6:00 pm Arrive home from dropping off oldest at flag football.

6:15 pm Baths for all kids at home.

6:45 pm until now Facebook and Blogging. Need to regain sanity.

(Kids are still up, waiting for dad and brother to come home from flag football to finish out bedtime routine and stories)

That is actually how most of my days go, although I don't can every day. But it is always that busy.

Giveaway Extension and Canning

2011-10-03T19:57:00.002-06:00

I've decided to extend my giveaway until Wednesday. It will close at midnight (MST) on Wednesday, October 5th.

I'd like to learn how to can. I like the idea of having a food storage that is partly made up of food I've canned myself. It would be even better if I knew how to grow said food and then I canned it.

Since we live in a place where everyone cans in the fall, I thought I would take this opportunity to learn how to do. I think, though, that it is one of those things you can't really learn until you do it yourself. Last year, I went over to a friend's mom's house to can a box of peaches. I'd like to say I learned how, but really, she and her mom did most of the work. It was fun talking while canning, much more fun than canning by myself would have been. But this year, I don't have much to can. I wasn't planning on canning at all, actually (since my friend moved away) but my dad left me a whole bunch of peaches, apples, tomatoes and pears when he came up last week and bought some to take home for my mom to can.

So here I am with all this food and no intention of canning. I called my friend and got her mom's number and asked to borrow her canning equipment. Now I have the equipment. I have the bottles (emptied from last year's canning exploits) and I have a box of lids in my pantry that I never used.

Tomorrow I will embark into the land of home canning on my own. I've printed up some Internet instructions as well as having obtained a copy of the instructions written by my friend's mom. I plan on canning the peaches. The pears, well, we've mostly eaten and will probably eat the rest (we LOVE fresh, ripe pears!). I am going to try to make fresh spaghetti sauce with the tomatoes and freeze some of it. And the apples. I can't decide whether or not to make them into applesauce or to just use them throughout this week making apple pie and apple strudel.

Wish me luck.

*image courtesy Google images

Homecoming Queen

2011-10-02T17:08:00.001-06:00

A few weeks ago, this article appeared in the newspaper here. It is about two sisters who were both crowned Homecoming Queen in successive years at a high school in Southern Utah. The interesting thing about the article is that both sisters were born with Down's syndrome.

This is a wonderful example of a high school pulling together to help these girls have a special experience. The neatest part was that the older sister got to give the crown to her younger sister on the night of the Homecoming game.

Oh, and I should mention. The cool thing for me is that the principal of this high school is someone I know--someone I even blogged about in this post a few years ago on Valentine's Day. He's a great guy and a great principal!

I just loved this story and thought it was so great that the school did that. What a wonderful memory for these girls and how great that they could have a positive experience like that in a public high school!

The Best Pizza Dough Ever

2011-10-01T19:47:00.006-06:00

Yep, I'm biased. But this is the best pizza dough. Since I learned to make this dough, I haven't wanted any other kind of pizza. At least not delivery. A few sit-down pizza restaurants might have it beat, but more so because I don't have to cook it! But here is my awesome recipe.

This makes 2 thick or 4 thin crusts (round). I have used it to make one big pizza on a large cookie sheet also. When I make a round crust, I use a round pizza baking stone.

Add to heavy duty mixer (Bosch, Kitchenaid) in this order:

1 2/3 cup warm water (about 80 degrees F)
1 tsp lemon juice
2 Tbsp oil
2 Tbsp sugar
1 tsp salt
2 Tbsp dry milk powder
4 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp active dry yeast

Mix until blended, 1-2 minutes. Then mix on medium speed for five minutes. Let rest for five minutes. Then mix again on medium speed for 12 minutes. I always move it to a greased bowl at this point rather than letting it rise in the mixer. Let rise for 40 minutes.

Roll out crust and place on cookie sheet or pizza pan. Fold edges under. Use whatever topping you like. I've even done BBQ chicken pizza with this dough before.

Bake at 425 for about 15-20 minutes until crust is golden brown around edges. Pop any bubbles in it while baking.

31 for 21 Blog Challenge

2011-10-01T15:24:00.005-06:00

If you click on the picture above, it will take you to my friend Gretchen's blog. My friend Gretchen was my best friend in the 3rd and 4th grade. We became friends when I moved to her school in the 3rd grade, a state-to-state move. I was doing back flips on the playground and she came over and challenged me to a contest. I found out that, like me, she was also a gymnast, and it turned out that we both went to the same gym. From then on, we were inseparable. Until I moved away eighteen months later. We've kept in touch through the years.

Last year, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was born with Down's syndrome. This month, she has issued a blog challenge to blog every day for 31 days to raise awareness for Down's syndrome.

Down's is caused by an extra 21st chromosome and there are 31 days in October, which is Down's syndrome awareness month. Hence, 31 for 21! I am going to attempt this blog challenge.

Other than having a few friends with children who have Down's syndrome, I do not have any experience with it. However, if you read Gretchen's story, and I encourage you to do so, you might begin to understand what a challenge this is. We all have disabilities in one form or another.

I believe that the people who are born with this disability, like her son Julian was, are very special spirits who have a very special purpose in this life. So, click on over to Gretchen's blog and read her story. Then, if you feel so inspired, take on the 31 for 21 challenge too!

Giveaway

2011-09-26T08:56:00.002-06:00

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Upcoming Giveaway

2011-09-25T17:07:00.002-06:00

I'm excited, folks! I am going to do my first giveaway on my blog. So be looking for that tomorrow, September 26th, and you'll find out what it is and how to be a part of it!

Can't wait!

Book Review: Bringing Up Boys

2011-09-21T21:59:00.003-06:00

Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this book and found it to be very helpful, in that I am the mother of five children, four of whom are boys. I really have to agree with most of what he says about our society and culture in America. I only disagreed with two things he brought up in the entire book. I would recommend this book to everyone--it's worth a read, whether or not you are raising boys, just to see all his points about how society is becoming and how it's affecting our parenting. I give it two thumbs up and five stars. Going to probably buy a copy for our home library.

View all my reviews

A Bitter Memory

2011-09-18T21:33:00.001-06:00

My high school about had one formal date-dance each month. In September/October, it was Homecoming (guy-ask-girl). In November, there was a girl's preference formal dance. In December, we had a casual matching dance called Christmas Dance (guy-ask- girl). One year, in January, we had a girl's choice dance. In February was Sweethearts Ball (guy-ask-girl). In March was usually Junior Prom, which was guy ask girl, specifically for juniors, though anybody could attend. The prom court was pulled from the junior class though. In April, we had Girl's Pref, a casual matching shirt girl's choice dance. In May was MORP, which was just a casual dance that was typically guy-ask-girl. Some clubs and groups had their own dances as well--in cheerleading, we had Varsity Ball, a formal ball for which each of us cheerleaders were to invite a date and celebrate our year of cheering. That was typically in May. And seniors had Senior Dinner Dance. This dance was usually stag, meaning you didn't really go with a date. The school designed that so Seniors could have one last occasion to be with each other before graduation without the pressure of coming with a date--that way more people could attend.

That leads me to my point. I'm glad Senior Dinner Dance was stag or I may not have gone. I say that because out of the 20 date dances that occurred (I call them "date" dances because our school also had a "Stomp" once a month that was more like a stake dance--you just went and danced and hung out with friends), I only got asked to six of them. Out of the remaining fourteen, eight of them were guy-ask-girl, so I was able to go to the other six because I asked the guy on the date.

You might say, what's the big deal? Why bother writing about this now, some fifteen-plus years later?

It still bothers me to remember that when those guy-ask-girl dances came around, I usually didn't get asked. It hurt me very deeply back then and I still feel remnants of that pain today. The worst was Junior Prom when I was a junior. I even desperately attempted to ask a friend of mine just so I could go and be there with my friends. I tried someone from another school and even tried a couple seniors I knew from my school. I even thought about seeing if my older brother, a BYU student at the time, would go with me, but we were never very close. I even considered my dad.

My mom spent about six weeks before the event sewing me a beautiful prom dress, in case I got asked. When I didn't, she set up a professional photo session, made an appointment to get my hair professionally done as I would have if I had been going to the dance, and we did that. That night, we went out to dinner, my mom and I, and we had some quality mother-daughter bonding time.

But I felt rejected, unliked, ugly. I missed Homecoming that year too. Not only did I miss Homecoming, but I was the only senior cheerleader who did not get nominated for the Homecoming Court. I missed Sweethearts Ball also. I even got rejected twice when asking guys for Girl's Pref that year. But I did end up going and having a good time.

I had lots of fun in high school. I had fun at the dances I did attend. My senior year I went to all of them because I had a steady boyfriend. His parents had a rule that he couldn't take me to more than two of them in a row together. Fortunately, I still managed to get a date to the ones I didn't attend with him.

I still look back on occasion and wonder what was so wrong with me during junior year that made guys not want to ask me out.

It makes me sad to think that my daughter might have to endure the same thing. I hope not. I hope she makes lots of good friends and has fun in high school. But I know she will still face hurtful situations and she will still have to learn from them. I hope I can teach my boys to be the kind of gentlemen who will ask out a girl who might not otherwise get asked just so she can feel good about herself and have a good time, and maybe, in the process, they can find a good friend.

Remembering that kind of rejection still hurts. At least, in my memory, I can still remember the rejection I felt.

This was from the November formal girl's preference dance my junior year.

This was from the Girl's Pref dance my sophomore year, shortly after moving from out-of-state

This was from the Girl's Pref dance my junior year. Yep, this is the third guy I asked who finally said yes. I don't think he went on very many dates, though. Nice guy but kind of weird.

This was the cheerleaders' Varsity Ball my junior year. That was the dress that was intended for my Junior Prom that my mother worked so hard on.

This was a girl's choice winter dance that they had my junior year. The guy was a really good friend from my ward.

All of these dates were fun, but not one of those guys ever asked me out in return. Not that they had to, but it would have been nice to feel like they enjoyed the evening as well and helped me to feel better about myself back then.

My Parenting Crossroad

2011-09-14T15:15:00.001-06:00

I think I have reached a parenting crossroad. I've lost my effectiveness, probably because I've also lost my cool one too many times. I've noticed that yelling and screaming rarely elicits obedience. But yelling and screaming is my first reaction when they are being deliberately disobedient. I have to tell myself over and over again to remain calm, that screaming at them won't get me anywhere, that spanking them is even less effective, but I just can't seem to listen to myself. Often, I let my emotions get the better of me and take control.

I need to be more effective. I need to let my children reap the consequences of what they sow. I think that part is hard for me. If they do not clean up the room like I asked and I've given them a time limit and the consequence is getting something taken away, I need to take it away. It's far too easy, for the reason of avoiding tears and further conflict, to just give them five more minutes. But I need to be firm.

When my kids get home from school, they are supposed to empty their backpacks, so I can see any important paperwork, they can put away or throw away returned work, and they can clean out their lunchboxes so I have them ready for the next morning. Yesterday I spent about twenty minutes yelling at them to do it. They still didn't. I finally realized that I need to let them sink or swim. If they don't do the required task, they will reap the natural consequences. If their lunchbox wasn't cleaned out the day before and they don't put their ice pack in the freezer, then they will have no ice pack and I will send them to school with trash in their lunch. If they don't give me the papers they need signed or get their homework done, they will reap the consequences. You want your child to be successful. The thought that not turning in homework, something that you could make sure they get done, could affect their grade substantially, is quite painful. It's hard to let go.

So today I make a commitment. I commit to stop the yelling and screaming. I commit to tell them once, perhaps give them one last warning, and then let them take the consequence. Sometimes I will have no control over the consequence and that is what scares me, but I need to let go and let them learn in their own way.

Sometimes, it's tough to be a parent.

Book Review: Chalked Up

2011-09-13T21:18:00.002-06:00

Chalked Up: Inside Elite Gymnastics' Merciless Coaching, Overzealous Parents, Eating Disorders, and Elusive Olympic Dreams by Jennifer Sey

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book really gave an inside look at elite gymnastics, some of which I was familiar with and some that I never really knew. I thoroughly enjoyed it, having been deeply involved in the competitive element of the sport from the age of about eight until I was about fifteen/sixteen. It sort of made me glad I stopped when I did, that I had the experiences I had but quit before it became as intense as it did for her.

For me, this book was a good read because I was so familiar with the feelings she had. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about the inside world of elite gymnastics.

View all my reviews

Seeing Myself Through His Eyes

2011-09-13T09:08:00.000-06:00

I wish I could see myself through another person's eyes. Often, we talk about seeing ourselves through our Creator's eyes. That's definitely a good perspective to consider, since He loves us more than we can know and even understand. He sees our strengths, strengths we don't know we have. He knows how to make our weaknesses strengths also, something we don't really know how to do.

But I'm not talking about seeing myself through Heavenly Father's eyes, or even the Savior's eyes.

I'm talking about seeing myself through my 6-month-old baby's eyes. The way he lights up when I'm around. How he's always grabbing at me. How he's always smiling at me and staring at me. It's quite obvious he thinks the world of me. Sometimes I look at his smiling, chubby face and want to tell him, "You don't even know the real me. You only know the mommy me."

Apparently, that's good enough for him. So why can't it be good enough for me?

Maybe if it was good enough for me, I wouldn't have such a hard time with insecurity and self-esteem. Maybe if I could see myself the way that my six-month-old sees me, I would be happy to be who I am and not always wishing to be someone else.

And now I must go and feed him.

Book Review: The King's Daughter

2011-09-06T16:09:00.000-06:00

The King's Daughter by Christie Dickason

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I'm torn between how many stars to give this book. In reading, as in any other entertainment, I like it to be clean. This is why I tend to gravitate toward juvenile fiction (young adult/teen) because generally, there is no outright sex. That is my disappointment with this book. The story is really good and I enjoyed the read, mostly. I skimmed the chapters that were mainly about sex, though (chapters 39-44) and even though it was alluded to throughout the book (she is a princess whose primary purpose in life is to be wed to produce heirs, so it was a topic she wondered about), I was disappointed that the author felt she had to go into such graphic detail about it when such details were completely unnecessary to the story.

However, I was intrigued by the historical aspect of the book and am now curious to do more reading and research into the European royals and the history there.

View all my reviews

Entitlement and Growing Up

2011-09-06T16:01:00.001-06:00

A book is out by Linda and Richard Eyre called The Entitlement Trap. I have not yet read this book, although it's definitely on my read list, but based on the articles published about it, I've had some thoughts.

It is very obvious to me that we live in an age of entitlement, that much is certain. My husband and I have tried in our parenting to steer clear of this "entitlement trap" by saying no, by expecting our children to earn things they want, by requiring chores as a contribution to how the family runs, etc. But I'll admit, it's not always easy. It's fun to buy stuff for the kids and see how excited they get.

I don't think that I do it so much because I want them to be happy or to have what I might not have had as a child. I think I had a pretty darn good childhood and don't feel deprived really over not owning anything. Although, I must admit, I have purchased some toys for my daughter because they were toys I always wanted but never got. (I need to explain about that. I never got those particular toys probably because I never asked for them for birthday or Christmas and nobody ever knew I wanted them. When I wanted them, I was supposed to be too old for such toys, so I was even too embarrassed to go out and buy them with my own money that I earned from baby-sitting.)

I think that the reason I want my kids to be involved in activities and have fun playing with toys and all that is because I want them to enjoy being kids. I remember when I was a kid, all I wanted was to grow up as fast as possible. Being a grown-up seemed like so much fun.

Now that I'm a grown-up, I realize that being a kid was carefree and, in a lot of ways, more fun than being an adult.

Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Phoebe and Rachel are going to go running together, but then when Phoebe runs, she just lets it all go and runs like she did when she was a kid? And then Rachel is embarrassed by how Phoebe runs, so she sneaks around to go running to avoid running with Phoebe. I think the writers really hit the nail on the head on that one--how it was to run when we were kids. It's the same for any type of play. We might have the occasional moment where we get into the playing like we did when we were kids, but that is rare. More often than not, when involved in imaginary play, we are sort of the directors, giving ideas and watching from the sidelines, not really involving ourselves in the actual play.

So I think that often when I'm buying my kids toys I know they don't need and it's not a birthday or Christmas, I think I'm just wanting them to enjoy being a child because it doesn't last long and it's the only shot at childhood they get.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not disagreeing with the notion of an "entitlement trap". I'm just realizing that not everything we do as adults or parents is to try and make our kids' lives easier. Sometimes there's another reason.

Incivility and Marriage

2011-09-05T08:53:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about the problem of incivility these days. It's so rampant. People are loud, obnoxious, and completely uncivil toward one another in the world today. I know incivility has always existed, but now it's the norm.

Don't like how someone is driving too slow? Cut them off.

Don't like how the McDonald's employee got your order wrong? Cuss him out.

People seem to have forgotten the saying my mom always used to tell me: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

Do people even know what that means? That if someone isn't treating you right, treat them right and they will come around. This works with customer service people.

Now, I make mistakes and have had those days where I'm totally ticked off and I call the customer service line and give them an earful. I'm not shy enough to admit that. But let me tell you something. I have had much better success with customer service by being polite and kind than by being rude and harsh.

It's amazing how when you're nice to someone, they are much more willing to be nice back.

I was thinking how this applies to marriage.

In our world, children do not always get an example of civility from their parents and sometimes they are not taught kindness in the home. Some siblings are expected more to stay out of each other's ways than to become friends. They aren't expected to help each other out or to serve each other or to really even be civil.

If this is the case, how can they learn to be civil to a spouse?

I think that one reason marriages fail in today's world is because people simply aren't civil to one another. The Golden Rule has been thrown out the window. People think "why isn't he treating me right?" instead of thinking "what can I do to show him more love and treat him better?"

I started thinking this when I learned of yet another failed marriage of an acquaintance. The reason? I don't know all the minute details of their marriage or what else was going on, but I do know that this particular lady is no lady at all. She's crass and rude and is generally not a nice person, so it's almost not surprising that her marriage failed. If she is that horrible to people she is not married to, how does she treat her spouse at home? Usually we are worse at home than we are in public.

I think we need to stop and teach our young people to treat each other kindly. To always try to look for the good in people and to live by the Golden Rule.

Tutorial: Making a High Chair Pad

2011-09-02T20:22:00.001-06:00

In 2003, when our oldest was a baby, we inherited a high chair from my husband's mother. She was living with us, so we all kind of shared it. When we all moved on from that place, we took it with us. She had actually gotten it from my husband's brother, who had the only grandchild for a while, so she could use it at her house. When we first got it, it was in pretty good condition.

However, three children later, the vinyl pad was pretty torn up. So, in 2007, when our 3rd was one and we were expecting baby #4, I bought some super cute fabric with the intention of making a whole new pad. The cushioning of the first pad was also completely shot, so I'd have to start from scratch. Then I had baby #4 and then we moved twice and it kept getting shoved aside. In fact, I had to save the high chair a few times from getting tossed out by my husband each time we moved and each time we cleaned out our garage.

Now, baby #5 is starting solids and ready to start sitting in the high chair. Since I already had the fabric and the batting, it would cost nothing to make a new pad, whereas buying a new high chair, even used, wouldn't be free.

So, yesterday, I pulled the old vinyl pad out (which we'd also been carting around with us, so I could use it as a guide). I traced the pad onto some quilt batting (2 layers), then I traced that batting onto the fabric, leaving a 5/8" seam allowance all the way around. (Materials: about 2 yards of fabric, thread, quilt batting)

Then I started sewing, wrong sides together, around all the sides and top, leaving the bottom open to put the batting in. Unfortunately, I realized after I had already sewn the pad cover and put the batting in and was getting ready to sew the bottom shut that I'd forgotten to make a slip-cover to pull the top of the pad over the back of the high chair to secure it in place. So I had to unpick the whole top of the pad cover and then figure out how to sew in that slip-cover. But I managed to do it. After I had sewn the pad closed at the bottom (after re-sewing and putting the batting in), I used the custom button hole stitch on my sewing machine to make the hole for the seat belt to come through. I also stitched a few lines in the fabric to hold the batting in place for when I have to wash it.

And the finished product look pretty great!

Before:

After:

Pretty cute, huh? Now, all I need to do is find some belt fabric and re-do that and the chair will look practically brand-new. Doubt I'll do that, though.

Blog Question?

2011-08-31T15:34:00.000-06:00

Okay, all you bloggers who blog with Blogger. I have a question. I want to put an icon on my posts that allows the reader to email the post or post to Facebook, Twitter, or wherever, if they want. Not that anyone actually would except for me, but I can't figure out how to do it. I've seen it at the bottom of other people's blogs, usually just an email icon to email the post, but some people have a row of icons to do that with. Like it's the formatting for how to post. I've looked through the design and all the gadgets and I can't find how to do it.

Thanks!

Change of Seasons

2011-08-30T14:42:00.003-06:00

I don't like cold weather, but I love the change of the seasons. I like when summer cools off and turns into autumn, and leaves change their colors and fall to the ground. Schools starts, a fresh new year for learning. I like the holidays that autumn brings--first Halloween with all the decorations and costumes and treats, then Thanksgiving with the delicious food and family. I love how it turns colder and the first snows come and then comes Christmas and hot chocolate with marshmallows and sitting by the fire. Then I love how it gradually warms up and buds start popping up everywhere, little blades of grass poking through the snow, and little animals and birds everywhere. Then I love when it turns hot and school gets out for the summer and there is the feel of freedom in the air. The days are longer and the nights are warm with starry skies and fireworks popping. There is swimming and playing outside and Popsicles to eat.

I love autumn, probably because it's synonymous with back-to-school. You know, autumn leaves and school buses, kids playing on the playground, crunching the leaves, wearing jackets to the bus stop in the morning but layering so when the day warms up, they can take the jacket off. I just love the change of the season from summer into autumn, but probably because I love the start of a new school year.

I love buying new school supplies. I love the idea of a fresh start. In fact, I used to teach school, and while I don't really want to be teaching right now, at this time of year, I envy teachers and the fresh start they get. They get to set up their classrooms to greet a whole new batch of students. They get to make new plans and try new ideas and implement the old ones that are successful. I miss that part about teaching and every year as a new school year is getting underway, I wish I could be a part of it.

Welcome, Autumn!

How Much?

2011-08-28T22:03:00.002-06:00

How much is enough and how much is too much?

It's a pretty common thing for parents these days (maybe it's always been like this) to pick out something they want their child in and put them in it from a very young age and then add more and more things to their activity list until they are overwhelmed and exhausted.

In a way, it robs a child of an otherwise care-free childhood. But because the world is so competitive, parents want their child to have a leg up. I understand that.

I'm not really attacking other parents here. I just worry that I'm not doing enough for my children in that aspect. We can't afford a whole lot of activities, so often, we have to pick and choose. Our oldest took a community art class in the spring, and because money was tight, he was the only one enrolled in something at the time. This fall, I have signed my daughter up for dance and my older two boys will be doing flag football, but I don't have anything to put my 4-year-old boy in and I worry that I'm shorting him somehow by not.

That's the thing. I don't want to overschedule my kids; I'm kind of against that, actually. My fear is that I will miss something they are good at and they won't have an opportunity to develop their talents. After all, I wouldn't want them to waste a talent (see The Parable of the Talents). I think that childhood is the best time to learn new things. Not that you can't as an adult, but I spend my time and effort right now teaching my children and don't have a lot of time leftover for developing my talents. But I had plenty of time growing up to do that.

So how much is enough? My boys have been able to participate in a variety of different sports--baseball, flag football, basketball, and a little soccer and gymnastics. They've taken art classes and Spanish class. They take piano lessons (from me--it's free). But we don't have the funds, and I'm not sure I want to dedicate that much time away from family life, to have them participate so fully that they become extremely skilled.

What happened to the days where kids learned to play baseball and football by playing with their siblings and the neighbor kids and then if they wanted to pursue the sport, they played in high school?

These days, if your child hasn't been playing since, well, childhood, by the time they are in high school, they won't be good enough to compete with everyone else.

So that presents a dilemma in my mind. I don't know how to give them these opportunities without overscheduling and exhausting them (and my wallet).

What do you think?

A New School Year

2011-08-23T13:43:00.002-06:00

*image courtesy Google images

Summer is almost over and in a less than a week, my kids will be starting a new school year.

When my oldest started kindergarten, I went a little nuts buying new clothes and other things for school. I bought him a backpack more than one that year), a lunch case, school supplies, and new clothes (no T-shirts, only nice clothes) and shoes. I walked with him to school, took pictures of him lining up with his class, walking into the school, etc.

When he started first grade, he got a new backpack and a few needed new clothes items plus some school supplies that he didn't already have. I forgot the camera and didn't take any pictures.

When he started second grade and my second child started kindergarten last year, I bought them both several pairs of new jeans and a couple new T-shirts (yes, I downgraded from nice shirts). I don't remember even buying school supplies.

This year, the school hasn't sent us any sort of a list of supplies that are needed, and I'm not going to buy tons of school supplies in case they're needed if they won't be used. Like last year I sent them both with pencils, crayons, pencil boxes, and folders and neither of them used any of those items. Thankfully, those were things we already had.

They're boys. They don't care if they wear cut-off jeans and an old T-shirt to school. They do need new backpacks since last year's backpacks are pretty worn out. I pulled out and dusted off the lunch cases and they are in good condition, a little dirty, but otherwise functional.

So I hesitate to even bother with school shopping. I don't have a school supply list. I bought new jeans at the end of last school year (it was still cold and they needed them!) and those still fit just fine. I bought them new tennis shoes at the end of last school year. Other than a little dirt from camping once, those shoes are fine, not worn out at all. And they are perfectly happy with the lunch cases we already have.

So do I even bother? I just feel like it's nice to start school with something new, but I don't think boys really care. At least my boys don't. Maybe I should shop the clearance racks at Target or Walmart for some new T-shirts and spend $20 or less for the both of them, just so they can have something new.

So how much do you spend on back-to-school for each child? What do you deem necessary or not necessary?

Church Callings

2011-08-21T19:31:00.003-06:00

I have been wondering this for some time now.

Why is it that the same people always seem to get the same types of callings?

Aren't callings supposed to help you grow, stretch you, etc?

If you go from being in the primary presidency, to the Relief Society presidency, to the Young Women's presidency, etc., how is it that you're really doing a different calling? And what about others who go from teaching primary in one ward to teaching it in their next ward? Why aren't they given a chance to serve in other callings?

I have one acquaintance who has lived in several different states in the last ten years but everywhere she's lived, she's been in the Young Women's organization, either as a teacher or in the presidency. She's never been able to go to Relief Society on Sundays. She's never had to teach the 4-year-olds or be in the nursery. She's just always with the Young Women's.

When I was growing up, my ward put the same people in those callings over and over again--they just moved from one presidency to another one. When some of those people finally started moving out of the ward, others were finally called and had the opportunity to grow from those callings.

When you move to a new ward, they always ask what callings you've had in the past. Why is that even relevant? Maybe you were the ward choir director in your old ward because you were the only person in the ward who could read music, but you really don't know how to lead a choir. Maybe in your old ward you were the only active person able to fulfill a calling in a presidency.

I know that we've been taught that callings are from the Lord, but I don't believe He whispers into the ears of the bishopric every time a calling is issued. In college, I was once the Sacrament Meeting prayer coordinator. I had to find people to give the opening and closing prayers for Sacrament Meeting. I think that sometimes, a calling needs to be filled and you're available, so they call you and since it doesn't feel wrong, they go with it. It's not always "inspired", so to speak, not in the way of "so-and-so needs to be the Sacrament Meeting prayer coordinator," but "things might go more smoothly on Sunday morning if we already have people picked out to give the prayers. Who doesn't have a calling that we can assign this to?"

What do you think?

A Lesson Gleaned from Parenting

2011-08-21T16:36:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking lately about how parenthood makes us grow and the thought came to my mind that we become parents because we need to re-learn life lessons as we teach them to our children.

Ever have to tell a child who's looking for a missing puzzle piece, "Don't worry, it will turn up," and then have to tell that to yourself the very next day when you can't find your wedding ring?

Ever tell a child that sometimes you have to make a hard decision, but in the end it will be worth it if you do your best and then you have a hard decision to face but don't want to make it?

Often I find myself giving advice to my children that I still haven't learned to completely follow. It's stuff we all know we should do, know, understand, believe, etc., but it's hard advice to follow ourselves. Yet they are all important lessons to learn.

Sometimes as I'm imparting such wise words to my children, I stop and think to myself about how I can live those words better and be a better example to my children by practicing what I preach.

Of course, there are always those things that you can never learn unless you experience it for yourself. Like parenthood.

Nature vs. Nurture and Self-Entertainment

2011-08-09T11:45:00.005-06:00

How much of how our children are is because of nature and how much is because of nurture? Are somebody's kids always bored and unimaginative because they were born that way, simply not creative to think up things to do to entertain themselves, or are they that way because since they were little children, they've spent countless hours playing video games or watching television?

I know this is an age-old argument, and I don't really feel like arguing. But often, because I have five children and seem like I have control over my life, other mothers sometimes ask me advice. And often I have no advice to give because my kids are, well, just the way they are. That's how they've been since they were little. They like to entertain themselves. They are creative and spend a lot of their time creating games and engaging in highly imaginative play.

So I wonder if they are that way because I've always encouraged imaginative play over television watching and video game playing? In fact, we didn't even own a video game system until just last Christmas and the only computer games the kids were allowed to play were on the PBS kids website. Or are they that way because it's genetic? I was a very imaginative child who would spend hours doing the same types of activities I find my own children doing, without the encouragement or direction of my parents. If that's true, then why would ALL my children have turned out like me, since my husband was quite the opposite--the only real exercise and outside play he got growing up was from organized sports and in his down-time, he watched TV a lot.

We are now nine weeks into summer, with only three weeks remaining, and yesterday around 4 pm was the first time any one of my children had uttered the dreadful words, "I'm bored." In playgroups, a common discussion is how to beat summer boredom. Although I could list all the things my kids like to do, I can't take credit for it because they do all those things on their own. So I wonder, is it something I've done by example, since I tend to be a pretty creative, imaginative person myself and spend time playing with my kids a lot so they learned how from me (nurture), or is it nature, a gene they inherited from me that gave them a natural knack for coming up with something to do?

What do you think about the activities and things your children take interest in and the whole nature/nurture argument?

Is Chivalry Dying?

2011-08-08T12:37:00.005-06:00

My friend in Arizona posted on Facebook today of how hot she was sitting her car with no AC waiting to drop her son off at school. The reason she was in a car with no AC was because her husband took her car to work. The family vehicle they have, a minivan, has AC, but the smaller compact car he drives has no AC. Usually, her husband car pools with someone, but because he was planning on leaving work early, he wasn't getting the usual ride, so the plan they came up with was for him to take the car with AC because he drives 30 minutes to work and 30 minutes back and she only had to take the oldest child to school. They have two other younger children and it wasn't specified in her post where the younger children were at the time of the school drop-off. I'd imagine they'd be with her unless she has someone watch them while she drops the older one off. Also, my friend suffers from MS, which is exacerbated by the extreme heat in Arizona. Despite her condition, her husband accepted a job which relocated the family from Utah to Arizona. He did already have a decent-paying job with benefits in Utah, just one he didn't absolutely love.

So that's the situation.

In my opinion, her husband should have let her have the car with the AC. After all, the no AC affects more than just her, since kids will be riding in that car as well AND since she has the health condition which is so adversely affected by the heat, she should have gotten the car with the AC, even though it was only five minutes to the school, she still had to wait in the drop off line.

First of all, I also think it was selfish of him to go out looking for a job in a place that causes her health condition to worsen, accept said job, and move the family there. She was excited for a new adventure, and I can understand that. But he should have thought it through more, and, being a caring husband, considered her health when deciding to move the family to such a hot place.

Secondly, I think it extremely selfish of him to not allow her the car with the AC. Even if it was her idea to have him take that car, he should have been chivalrous and declined, insisting that she, the mother of his children, the woman in his life, and the one suffering from this health condition, should have it. It's only one day, and men should be willing to give up their creature comforts for their women. I think that is being a true gentleman. She, being a true lady, should have been gracious and willing enough to accept it.

But men are not like that anymore. They are simply too selfish to consider putting someone else's needs above their own. It's a pitfall of modern society. It's a result of years of feminism being hounded into them that they shouldn't sacrifice anything for a woman because she is manly enough to take care of herself.

Anyway, I'm still mad from reading her post. I even wrote that her husband should have taken the car with the no AC and she said he couldn't have because of his longer drive, but I still disagree. He would have been fine. Yet now she is unable to do anything for the rest of the day because she had to sit in that heat.

Grammar Tip #1: Plural nouns, possessive nouns, contractions

2011-08-07T10:15:00.005-06:00

I have written about this before, but I decided that every once in a while, I will write a grammar tip. Grammar and mechanics skills are starting to really go downhill and I get really tired of seeing the same mistakes over and over again. Not that I'm perfect, but I try to always look over my writing before I post to make sure the grammar and mechanics are correct. My 7th grade grammar teacher ground those grammar rules into our heads and always emphasized the importance of grammar and mechanics in literacy.

So, here is the tip of the day.

When making a word plural, the usual way is to add the letter "s" at the end. You do not ever add an apostrophe before the "s" to make it plural. This is a very common mistake I see in blogs and all over Facebook and it drives me positively bonkers.

Example:

"I can't wait for my kid's to go back to school."

should be

"I can't wait for my kids to go back to school."

The time that you actually use the apostrophe is when it's a possessive noun or a contraction:

Possessive:
My kid's bike (one kid, one bike)
My kids' bikes (more than one kid, more than one bike)

Contractions:
Cannot=can't
does not=doesn't
will not=won't
you all=y'all (This one is commonly wrong--you all is contracted y'all, not ya'll. If it was ya'll then it would be a contraction for ya all, not you all.)

And there you have it. Plural nouns, possessive nouns and contractions all rolled into one short lesson.

My Thoughts on Preschool

2011-08-06T10:49:00.015-06:00

We become enamored with men's theories such as the idea of preschool training outside the home for young children. Not only does this put added pressure on the budget, but it places young children in an environment away from mother's influence. It is mother's influence during the crucial formative years that forms a child's basic character. Home is the place where a child learns faith, feels love, and thereby learns from mother's loving example to choose righteousness. How vital are mother's influence and teaching in the home--and how apparent when neglected!
--Ezra Taft Benson

I have very strong opinions on preschool. Although there are probably a myriad of reasons to put your child in preschool, I think the general population has been duped into believing it is a necessary step for a child's education. Even if kindergarten has become the new first grade, as it has in some places, I still don't buy into this notion.

When I hear someone talking about putting their young 3-year-old in preschool, I cringe. I'm a firm believer that a child's own play is a great learning tool to help them make sense of their world and interrupting that play while they are too young to shove academics at them is wasting their precious early childhood years. It robs them of some great learning they can do on their own. A great resource on how important of a role that play has in early childhood is the book "Piggyback Rides and Slippery Slides" by Lynnae W. Allred.

Even though I don't put my own kids in preschool, I do teach them the basics at home starting at the age of 4, or the year before they will be starting school. Some basic academic teaching before starting school isn't a bad thing. The issue is how much is too much and what is necessary and what isn't?

I've had people comment to me when I bring up my opinions on this that not everyone can teach their own kids how to read or write or do math, etc. Generations of people have done it before this day and age when we can just pop our kid in the nearest preschool. And they've been successful. So why can't we be?

It's mostly about reading to them. You read to them every day. When they start showing more interest in actually reading, you teach them that words are made up of letters and individual letters have sounds. How do you teach that? You point to an easy word and point out each letter and tell them the sound each letter makes. Then you start teaching the ABC's. The most basic way to do that would be to write a letter, say the letter B, on a piece of paper. Have them trace it with their finger. Then say, "This is B. B makes this sound /b/." Then you name anything you see from where you are that starts with letter B. You do this for about a week and then you move on to another letter. That would be the most basic way. If you want to go more advanced, then you come up with activities for each letter. For B, you could go into a bounce house and bounce. You could go bowling. You could make an outline of a big letter B and get some buttons and let them glue the buttons onto the letter B. You see where this is going.

I think that any parent who knows how to read (and therefore knows letter sounds), knows how to count, knows how to distinguish between the basic colors of the rainbow and the basic shapes (triangle, square, circle, rectangle) can teach their kids the basics that will give them a leg up in kindergarten. If they don't make it a stressful "sit-down-and-learn" situation, they just go with the learning flow, it is something that is as natural as teaching your child to pray or even just play.

The key is to use the world around you to help your kids learn. Every moment is a learning moment in the life of a preschool-age child. If you use that and answer your child's questions and are reading to them every day, there is no need to pay money for preschool.

I just get so tired of listening to parents who think they don't have the ability to teach their own children the basics of academics. I don't think parents need to make sure their kids are reading before they go to school and I could see how the thought of teaching them to be reading completely would be overwhelming. But if the child has a basic knowledge of the letters and counting, they will be successful at school. Are they more successful than peers who didn't do any preschool? I doubt it. Are they less successful than their peers whose parents paid premium amounts for a highly academic preschool? I doubt that too.

I realize too that many parents put their kids in preschool to get a break from them. I agree that a break from your kids is something that is needed, but I think there are a number of ways to accomplish this without having to entrust them to someone else for learning during their most formative years.

If you want some home preschool teaching ideas, you can check out my preschool blog here. I will be adding some more basic teaching ideas like the one I discussed above and perhaps start keeping more of a record of those teaching moments that just happen upon us during the day to give ideas for that.

I realize everyone is entitled to their own opinion and may have their own valid reasons for putting their child in preschool. But don't expect sympathy if you whine to me about the cost of preschool as a factor in the high cost of raising kids. Early learning is so natural to just do at home that the cost of preschool is something you can easily forgo.

Putting together our alphabet train floor puzzle. As he does this, I have him say the letters and their sounds by looking at the picture. When he's done, we sing the alphabet song, pointing to each letter.

We studied the skeletal system. We put together this poster that I got out of one of my supplemental science workbooks I bought when I was a teacher. He also put the fridge letters in alphabetical order, practicing each letter sound as he went along.

Playing with a popular math manipulative--pattern blocks. I purchased a set of math manipulatives to do with my kids at home.

We made cookies in the shapes of items that begin with the letter "C". Cat, candy cane, car.
I always teach the letters of my child's name as the first letters they learn. Something a preschool teacher with more than one student couldn't do, but it really helps solidify those letters in their brain because they can immediately relate those letters to something very familiar.

Tutorial: Making a T-shirt Dress

2011-08-06T08:09:00.007-06:00

As I have spent quite a chunk of time the last week making twelve of these T-shirt dresses, I thought I'd share my method.

Materials needed:
a T-shirt
3/4 yard of 45" fabric to 1-1/3 yard (depending on shirt size)
thread
sewing machine
scissors
measuring tape
pins
iron & ironing board

Step One:
Measure your fabric. These were all made from children's size T-shirts. Two large, two medium, one small, one extra small, then 4T, (two) 24 M, 12 M and two different sized onesies--3-6 month and 0-3 month. Here are the measurements I used:

Large T-shirts--made from 1-1/3 yard (4 feet). Cut two pieces of 4 feet of fabric that are 10" and 12". If your girl is a little taller, go one or two inches longer on each piece.
Medium T-shirts--made from 1-1/3 yard. 9" and 11" pieces.
Small T-shirt--made from 1 yard. 8" and 10" pieces.
Extra small T-shirt--made from 1 yard. 7" and 9" pieces.
4T Shirt--made from 1 yard. 7" and 9" pieces.
24 M shirts--made from 30 inches, 5/6 yard. 6" and 8" pieces
12 M shirt--made from 30 inches, 5/6 yard. 5" and 7" pieces
3-6 M onesie (the one demonstrated)--made from 27 inches, 3/4 yard. 4" and 6" pieces
0-3 M onesie--same as the 3-6 M onesie

Step Two:
Cut the fabric. I measured all the way down and drew a line to cut along with a pencil. If you have a cutting mat, you won't have to draw the line with a pencil.

Step Three: Fold fabric so right sides are together and sew at the end 5/8" from edge. Then press the seam.

Step Four:
Press hemline by folding over and then folding it under the first fold and pressing.

Step Five:
Sew the hemline.

Step Six:
Layer the two pieces with the shorter piece on the inside. Right sides are both facing the inside. Line up at the seam with raw , unhemmed edges lined up.

Step Seven:
Using a longer stitch selection on your machine, sew 5/8" from edge. It might help to pin these edges together. I did that on some dresses and others I didn't.

Step Eight:
Stitch another gathering stitch with a longer stitch length just 1/4" from the first one, closer to the edge. (1/2" or 4/8" from edge). I find it's easier to gather the fabric if you use two gathering stitches instead of only one.

Step Nine:
With right sides together, pin seam of skirt at seam of shirt. On the onesies, do this right above the leg hole opening. On the T-shirts, do it at the lower edge of shirt. Then gather the skirt until it matches the T-shirt/onesie width.

Step Ten:
Pin the gathered skirt to the T-shirt all the way around. Make your stitch length smaller again on your machine and stitch 5/8" (to match where the 5/8" gathering stitch is) all the way around.

Finally, turn it right side out and you have a T-shirt dress!

Always There

2011-08-05T21:54:00.003-06:00

Today I got to go on a special mommy-son date with my oldest son. As we were walking to our destination and he was talking my ear off, it occurred to me that I can barely remember what it was like to not have this person in my life.

That's kind of how it is with all my kids, even my new baby. It just seems like they've always been a part of my life. Even when I think back to my childhood, my teen years, my college days, I can't seem to picture it without them. In fact, I've had many, many dreams since having kids where I am back walking those halls of those schools, participating in all the things I did, but my children are all there with me.

I just can't seem to remember what my life was like without my kids. It's like I've always known them.

I'm so grateful for them. They might make my days hard, even unbearable sometimes, but they are still so sweet and wonderful, with their little personalities shining through and we have so much fun together.

Another Hobby: Making Cakes

2011-08-04T09:06:00.009-06:00

I can't exactly call what I do "cake decorating" because I really am quite inexperienced and all that I do, I just do for fun.

When I was a kid, my mom always made fun cakes for our birthdays. When I turned three, I got a cake made in the shape of a house decorated with candy. When I turned seven, my mom made a princess cake, using a Barbie doll and making the cake as the skirt. That was before that became a common type of cake. There were quite a few others, but those two really stick out in my memory.

So I decided to borrow a page from her book (I seem to do that a lot!) and started making fun cakes for my kids for their birthdays. Now it's the big thing around here on birthdays. We pretty much plan the birthday around the cake!

Turtle cakes: I used a Wilton ball cake pan for the shells and made mini cupcakes for the feet and heads and tail. I used milk chocolate icing for the main shell and body, green buttercream icing for the shell and dark chocolate buttercream for the shell design.

Monkey Tree Cake: I drew the cake shape on paper before cutting it out. It's made from one chocolate 9 X 13 rectangular cake. The monkeys are from a Monkey Barrel game. Buttercream frosting. All my cakes are buttercream frosting.

Train cake: I used mini bread pans for this cake. The coal car has crushed Oreos for coal. The logs are Twix bars. The red you see on the coal car and lumber car are licorice.

Football and Baseball Cakes: I used the Wilton football cake pan and the Wilton ball cake pan for these cakes and basically just followed the instructions that came with the pans.

Football Field Cake: I should have used a metal pan but didn't, that's why I didn't take the cake out of the pan because it wouldn't come out. We found the football players at Hobby Lobby in the cake decorating section.

Baseball Mitt and Ball Cake: This is a two-layer round cake with a cupcake as the baseball. I used two types of chocolate icing for the mitt and then set the cupcake decorated like a baseball on top for the picture. The baseball was then given to my son for his first birthday cake to get all over his face.

Ariel cake: I used my daughter's Ariel doll. I wrapped her legs in plastic and inserted her into the cake. I used a pyrex mixing bowl to bake the cake in. Then I used buttercream icing dyed green, blue and gray to make the fin, rocks, and water.

Butterfly cake: I used the Wilton butterfly cake pan for this cake. It's chocolate with chocolate icing. To make the designs, I put cookie cutters on the wings and sprinkled sprinkles into the cookie cutters for the shapes.

Heart cake: I used heart cake pans to make this two-layer heart cake. The sprinkles are done the same way as the butterfly cake and the sides are edged with marshmallows.

Black widow cake: I used the Wilton ball cake pan for this cake and a cupcake for the head of the spider. Black licorice is used for the legs. If anyone has tips on making black icing taste good, please share. This cake was a hit but it didn't taste very good because of the black dye. Also, after I baked it, I thought that maybe I should have made it out of red velvet, so when it was cut into, it would be like the insides of a spider.

Spider-man on a Building Cake: I made two 9 X 13 rectangular cakes and cut them up to make the building. The Spider-man on top is just a candle.

Firetruck Cake: I made a 9 X 13 cake and cut it in half lengthwise to layer it. I used gum drops for headlights and tail lights, licorice for the ladder, and Oreo cookies for the wheels.

Spider-man Cake: This is just a round two-layer cake decorated to look like Spider-man's face.

Car Cake: I used the Wilton car cake pan for this cake. I actually made a car cake for each of my three boys. Instead of using the wheels that are baked as part of the shape of the cake, I added wheels that were little chocolate donuts and used Life Savers for headlights and tail lights.

Light Saber Cake: I used a 9 X 13 cake pan and cut the pieces up from that, shaping them into the light sabers. The handles are black licorice with red light sabers for the buttons.

This is a Dinotrux Claw Tire Cake. If you haven't read the book Dinotrux by Chris Gall and you have boys, you should. It's great. I made a round two-layer cake and shaped the tire from that. The hubcap is sour green apple licorice, green sprinkles, and green Gobstoppers. The claw on the end is a white Good & Plenty.

Phineas and Ferb Cake: This is from the Disney cartoon, Phineas and Ferb, which my children love. I just made a two-layer 9 X 13 cake with chocolate frosting. Then I made green buttercream frosting. I dyed coconut flakes green for the grass. The figures are little action figures that can be purchased at The Disney Store or The Disney Store online. The tree is made out of Tootsie rolls and green fruity marshmallows.

Ladybug Cake: I used half of a Wilton ball cake pan to make the ladybug. The legs are black licorice. The ladybug sits on a one-layer 9 X 13 cake with chocolate icing.

These are the cakes I've made my kids and others. I'd like to make cakes for special occasions for a little business, but I think I need to hone my skills first and learn to make tastier cakes as well. So far, I only use cake mixes. If I'm going to market them, I ought to learn some good "from scratch" recipes.

My Chore System

2011-08-02T07:42:00.006-06:00

At our house, we have a system for chores. It's not very complex and so far, it works. There are four chores and I have this circular chore chart.

We rotate the chores on a weekly basis. Each chore has a Saturday chore attached to it that the kids do on Saturdays.

Laundry/Garbage:
This person gathers up the trash from all the trashcans in the house on trash day (once a week) and empties them into the bigger kitchen trash can. They help us take it out to the big trash can and take that trash can to the curb. On laundry days (Monday and Thursday), they move loads from washer to dryer and then take them out of the dryer when it's done.
On Saturday, they vacuum all the carpets, minus the baby's room and our room.

Table Setter:
This person sets the table at each meal and helps clear away serving dishes after the meal. They also get anything we need during the meal that we may have forgotten to put on the table. Each child clears their own place from the table at the end of the meal, that is not part of this job.
On Saturday, they sweep and mop all hard floors (three bathrooms, front landing, kitchen floor).

Dishes:
This person clears out the dishwasher each morning. They also help load it after the meal or, if they are old enough, load it by themselves.
On Saturday, they clean the half bathroom and the kids' bathroom.

Dog Duty:
This person feeds the dog every night.
On Saturday, they pick up the dog poop in the backyard.

The kids also rotate where they sit at the table according to their job. It's just easier to do it this way to avoid fights at the table, since where they sit is always changing. It's the way my mom did it.

The kids earn tokens for doing their chores that are used for playing video games.

That is how we do chores in our family. No matter what, they still have to do them, but if they do them with a positive attitude and do them when I ask them to, they will earn tokens. If they run out of tokens, they don't get to play the Wii.

My New Hobby

2011-07-26T20:01:00.006-06:00

I've taken up a new hobby. Last spring, I made my daughter an Easter dress.

It was sort of a complicated dress to make for a beginner. There was a net ruffle and slip underneath that makes the skirt poof out more. Plus it was fully lined. I was pretty proud of myself when I finished it. I only wish I had made it a size bigger so she could have worn it longer.

But it was a while before I attempted a sewing project again. We had a horrific stomach bug that kept getting passed around throughout December and January that kept me from trying anything. I did want to make her a dress for Christmas, but then decided not to. Then, I tried to make doll clothes for my daughter for Christmas, but ran out of time.

In February, I went and picked out a pattern and some fabric to make an Easter dress for her again. Then I got the crazy idea that I wanted to make a dress to match her. So I pulled out an old pattern of mine for a dress I made when my husband and I were first married and was going to make that. But I didn't get started on the dress right away, figuring I still had a month. But then, my baby was born in the middle of March. Despite the fact that I had both my mother and my mother-in-law around the first few weeks after he was born, I didn't find time to start the dress. In fact, I didn't make it for Easter at all. Then I discovered that I was nowhere close to the measurements for the dress pattern I was going to make for myself. So I went back to the store and bought a skirt pattern that required the same amount of fabric that I already had. I decided to make the dress for her and the skirt for me for the weekend that we both baptized our oldest son and blessed our baby.

I got the dress finished. The pattern had a purse pattern as well, so I made the matching purse. My aunt took some of the leftover fabric and made the cute matching headband.

I still haven't made the skirt. My measurements are all weird. According to my waist measurement, I should be a size 12 but my bust measurement shows me at a size 4. And my bum and hips, don't even want to go there.

So I've been holding off on the skirt.

But then, in the in between time, I've done a LOT of mending. Sewing patches onto jeans. Mending rips in dresses and other clothes. I have really enjoyed sewing.

So, now I have a few projects on my list that I'd like to do, some of which sort of have deadlines.

Project #1: T-shirt dresses

I'm making these for all the granddaughters on my side of the family. There are twelve of them, ranging in age from ten down to newborn. I bought a bunch of blue T-shirts and onesies that were clearanced at Children's Place and then found some cute black and white clearance fabric. All I have to do is measure out the fabric and start sewing. But my deadline for that is August 10th. See, on August 11th, I'm driving to my mom's house for my brother's wedding on August 18th and I'd like to have the matching dresses done so we can get a family picture with the girls wearing them.

Project #2: Baby blanket

I found some cute fleece with a monkey pattern on a green background on clearance a few years ago and bought it. It's the perfect size for a baby blanket. Not a newborn blanket, but one that will last for a few years, or life. All I have to do is edge it somehow. My baby is almost five months old and it would be nice to give him the blanket that will be his for childhood. If I don't do it soon, he probably won't even care for it.

Project #3: High chair pad

Our high chair that we've used for the four kids is a hand-me-down. The original plastic pad was completely worn out by the time we used it with our daughter. I bought some cute fabric and batting with the intention of making a new pad but never got around to it. My baby is four months old and will be starting solids and sitting in the high chair in a matter of months. So I'd better get cracking on that too.

Project #4: My skirt

I need to get cracking on this skirt that I want to make that will match my daughter's yellow dress. Before she outgrows the dress. I guess I'd better get cracking on that one too.

So, here is my list. First, I finish the T-shirt dresses. That one has the most immediate deadline. Then I should probably do my skirt because the other two projects do not have set patterns. The third one should be the high chair pad because I have to figure out the size and shape and stuff on my own (I did keep the old, worn out pad to use as a guide). The last one, and easiest, will be doing something to that baby blanket. I don't know if I will sew some satin around the side or just zig zag stitch all the way around, but I want to do something, I don't like tied fleece blankets at all, I find them annoying, so I won't be doing that.

In addition to these projects, which I intend to finish by the end of the summer, I am going to make our family's Halloween costumes. It's already been decided that we will go as characters from the Wizard of Oz. So I'll need to get started on that next.

Then, at Walmart the other day, I found a bin that had 97 cent patterns in it and found a whole bunch--a dress for my daughter, a child's apron, a dress for me, some capris for me, a doll dress and a bib pattern. I may go back and raid the bin again without my children so I can have more time to find some more.

And then, I found this great book at the library.

I have already been reading it and am so excited to try and make my own skirts. I can even use the information in this book to adjust the pattern I bought to match my daughter's dress so it will fit me better. I think I will have to buy this book so I can use it!

Yea for fun new hobbies! Especially ones that are so useful.

Something About Myself

2011-07-26T16:29:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I wish I could be a very different person. I'm such a worrywart. I worry about everything under the sun. You name it, I've probably worried about it. In fact, naming it might cause me to continue worrying about it, so don't. It's no wonder I deal with massive anxiety on a regular basis.

I wish I could be relaxed and easygoing.

I wish that I could be funny.

I wish that I sometimes did funny things so I could write about them.

Nope, that's not me.

I'm all serious and all business. I'm organized and passionate about that. I'm a perfectionist in every realm of my life and I hate it.

How can one who has perfectionist tendencies even remotely enjoy life? There are too many things to pick apart and be dissatisfied with when you are a perfectionist in the way that I am.

And when I try to be different, I get extremely stressed out.

Either way, I'm stressed out. So why bother trying to change?

I might just have to resign myself to being an overly uptight perfectionist because I really don't know how to approach life in any other way.

Life Happens

2011-07-20T09:36:00.004-06:00

When I was in high school, and even looking back now, it seems that many of us walked the same path. We went to school, participated in activities or after-school jobs or both, did homework, and had to maneuver the social world of it all, dating included. We dealt with parents and siblings and bosses and teachers and friends and relationships. Of course our struggles were different in many ways, but overall, we faced the same types of problems.

Fast forward fifteen years. Instead of facing the same types of now what seems to be trivial problems, we have all had our share of heartache and challenges, many of which I'm certain our younger selves had no idea of what was coming.

A few of my friends have faced breast cancer and are raising young children at the same time. I have a few who've endured terrible divorces and all the pain that accompanies that. I've had some who've lost children. I have a couple friends who have children with disabilities, Down's Syndrome being one of those. Some of my friends have dealt with infertility and are still dealing with it. Others have been diagnosed with degenerative diseases that have really taken a toll on their abilities to keep up with their families. One friend has dealt with the tragedy of learning her child was abused by a neighbor. Some are not married and have traveled the world. Some are military families and face the unique challenges that presents.

Recently I got together with a number of ladies from my high school years and had a girls' night out. It was interesting to see the depth in these ladies that was lacking when we were so young.

I must admit, the challenges that I've had seem small in comparison to some of the things these ladies have faced. I've dealt with my own set of trials that are unique to me, but I'm impressed by the courage these ladies have shown in facing their trials and the positive outlook they all still seem to have despite their struggles. But I especially loved seeing the depth and seeing in their eyes that they have gained so much strength since I saw them last.

Life is hard, isn't it? And how differently we all experience it has become very evident, whereas when I was younger, I never really saw it that way.

Teaching My Children

2011-07-18T21:04:00.004-06:00

I love being a teacher. I thoroughly enjoyed teaching in the public schools--everything but dealing with nasty parents. I love summer break because I get to be with the kids all the time and we do lots of fun and educational things. I'm teaching my older two boys piano and I'm teaching them art lessons as well and really enjoying it. Now, I think I would enjoy teaching other kids piano too, especially since they are less likely to talk back during the lesson, but even so, I am enjoying this time with them.

I love doing preschool with my children. I love teaching them one-on-one in a more formal setting and also doing some of the other less formal activities we do. As I look around, I wonder if I am the only parent in the world who thinks teaching them preschool myself is so much better than sending them to someone else for preschool. These preschool years are so short, so precious, and I want to be the one to provide them a foundation for a love of learning.

As much as I love teaching my children, I also love sending them to school. I think there are valuable things that they experience at school that they won't experience if I home school them. I think home schooling would be a wonderful experience. I think I would enjoy it and my kids would thrive. But I like that they have to learn to maneuver through the social pitfalls of school, that they have to learn to work with other personalities and meet new people. I like that they have to adapt to someone else's teaching style and learn how to follow another person's rules. I like that the particular school they are at is so big on school pride and they sing the school song every week and have assemblies all the time. Even with the incidence of my son being bullied a little this year during second grade, I feel like school is a good place for them, especially the school they are at. It doesn't have stellar academic programs or a super reputation. It is, in fact, a brand new school, opened in August 2009. But it's a good school, you can just feel that it's a good environment when you walk in. I like that they get to experience these new things and new ideas and things I might not be able to teach them at home.

These days, it seems that so many are turning to home schooling to teach their children and I think that would be great. I know I could do it and my kids would thrive. Is it strange, though, that even with the teacher in me and the fact that I love having them home 12 weeks in the summer (I can't believe we only have five more weeks of summer, I'm so SAD!) that I still want them to be in public school? I don't rejoice at the end of summer that I get to have a break from them; rather, I'm excited for them to start a fresh school year. I love the back-to-school time of year.

I guess I might always just feel torn between the two options. I love the idea of home schooling but I also love having my children experience new things and meet new people. They are very independent and outgoing and have a lot to give others and gain from others. Maybe someday I will homeschool. Maybe someday I will go back to teaching. Right now, I am just happy that they are home with me for the summer months and we have been very busy enjoying this time.

Modern Media and Marriage

2011-07-18T09:32:00.010-06:00

When most people today think of media in a marriage, I think they probably are thinking of the newest technologies--the data plans for cell phones, the newest phones, the ipods and ipads, the laptop computers, etc.

In our marriage, our biggest sources of media use come in the form of watching television and using the Internet. My husband loves to watch TV. He grew up in a home where the TV was always on, even just in the background for noise. Most of the time, he doesn't watch anything of substance, it's just something to occupy his time and mind while he is away from work and "relaxing". The television is actually a huge source of contention for us. It really bothers me that my husband can watch mind-numbing television for HOURS and never tire of it.

That said, I am one who could spend hours on the computer. I check Facebook, talk to friends and family online. I check my emails (I have three accounts--two are mostly for spam, they're the ones I put when an email address is needed for something, the other is personal), I write on my blogs, I post on a parent discussion board, I read other people's blogs, I research for preschool ideas and other things. I play around with my digital pictures, making photo books or other things. I write stories and books.

There are many nights when my husband comes home from his typical 11 or 12 hour day and he sits for three hours in front of the TV flipping channels aimlessly while I sit on the computer catching up on blog-reading or writing or whatever. When the kids are in bed is uninterrupted time for me to do these things. Often, when I'm posting on the blog, I'll get going with an idea, then I'll be interrupted, and then I can't figure out where I was going with it. So those evening hours when the house is quiet, it's really tempting to just spend all that time on the computer, especially when all my husband is doing is watching TV. Even if I were to forgo the computer in exchange for a conversation with my husband, most likely, the TV would be on in the background and we'd just end up watching that instead.

These devices are incredibly addictive. As useful as computers are and as wonderful as TV is (we know what's happening in the WORLD the very minutes in which it is happening), they are incredibly addictive.

The important thing is to set limits. Yes, even adults need limits. There are many times when I will set a timer for myself with my Internet use. I give myself 30 minutes to check Facebook, email and whatever blogging I want to do. If only I could get my husband to do the same! We've tried (I've tried) instigating a "no media night" where both of us refrain from watching TV or going on the computer, but that hasn't worked very well. We'll need to try something else or really set up one day a week that ALWAYS a no TV day. When I was growing up, we couldn't do any of that on Sunday. I try really hard to not use either one on Sunday, but when my husband is gone most of the day for work, it's so easy to be online a lot and to flip the TV on for the kids. There isn't a whole lot else to do on Sundays, since we don't go out on those days.

I can certainly see how all these modern media outlets can interfere with a marriage and cause strife. It's just something we have to work around since it's new to our generation. (Click here for Media Mondays. Can't get the picture to link.)

Journal Writing

2011-06-30T21:02:00.004-06:00

Journal writing is something we are supposed to do. Sometimes I've been really good at this and other times not as much.

Recently, my oldest child turned eight. It was tradition in my family that when you turned eight, you got a set of scriptures with your name engraved, a scripture case and a journal, also with your name engraved. I remember being eight and getting those things, but I also remember being disappointed that it was all I got. No toys, no clothes. Just those three things. So when our oldest turned eight, I wanted to give him a few more presents. We got him a game, a notebook, and a sketch pad. We gave him a birthday party. My parents bought him a set of scriptures. I bought the scripture case. We bought him some new church clothes. In the end, we ran out of money and the journal was forgotten.

My husband only wrote in his journal from his youth about four times. Two of the entries were from high school and about his high school girlfriend. The rest of his journaling consists of the required daily writing while on his mission. I haven't written in my journal consistently since I've been married. I've had months here and there where I write at least once a week, but then I'll go for months without writing.

So a journal wasn't high on the list of priorities for presents, even though I had brought it up.

Well, last week, I happened across my journal that I got when I was eight. I only wrote in it for about a year and quite infrequently. When I was ten, the primary in our ward gave out journals to all the kids and that's when I started to really write. I filled that journal and subsequently four more, but I never went back to that first one. Anyway, I pulled it out.

My oldest son was having a bad attitude moment, so I sat down and started flipping through it right next to where he was having his mood. I started reading the entries out loud. Soon enough, he had joined me in looking at the writing (and the misspelled words), the pictures, and laughing at what I wrote. Then all the other kids joined in. We went through the whole journal.

Yesterday, after an incident in which my oldest got into a lot of trouble for fighting with and really hurting his little brother, he decided he needed write down what had happened. He asked for a journal so he could write it down. Since he got a notebook for his birthday, he pulled that out and used it. Tonight, he wrote down what happened today. He told me that he is excited about writing in a journal and wants to write every night.

Maybe all that was needed to teach him about journal writing was showing him that journal of mine. It sure was fun to read and remember. And it probably gave him (and the other kids) some insight into who I was when I was a kid.

The Lowdown on Skinny

2011-06-28T21:32:00.004-06:00

I have always been skinny. Genetics are on my side. From the beginning I have been petite. I was born one week before my due date and weighed only 5 lbs 14 oz. It is written in my baby book that at 15 months, I only weighed 18 pounds. And so the story continues. I think I finally broke 100 after graduating from high school and putting on a little extra during freshman year of college. From that point on, I never went back below 100.

I am also 5'4". At 5'4", I should weigh about 115 to be at the healthy weight for my height. As a teen and young adult, I never was able to put on that weight, even if I tried. Once, I even tried drinking protein drinks, you know the substitution for meals for people who want to lose weight? I tried drinking those WITH my meals because I was so skinny.

In the sixth grade, someone asked me if I was anorexic. Being ignorant, I thought anorexic was a fancy way of saying I was so skinny and couldn't gain weight. So I said yes.

Now I am in my thirties. I have had five babies. I no longer am underweight and skeletal-skinny. In fact, I was looking at some pictures of me in our first year of marriage and I looked frighteningly thin! I wonder if people thought I had an eating disorder!

Despite that, I don't like how I look anymore. I am currently about five pounds above my "healthy" weight, but on me, where my natural weight as a teen and young adult always fell, that looks a little bit soft all over.

Most people tell me I look great. They are shocked that I lost most of the baby weight so fast. But that's where it gets complicated.

I think I feel MORE pressure to be thin than people who aren't told that regularly. Because people tell me when I'm pregnant "I bet you lose the baby weight right away!" or "You're so tiny, you're so lucky!" when I can't lose the weight and see the bulges flopping out over my swimsuit on my back, shoulders, thighs, belly, hips, you get the picture, I get extremely frustrated.

I feel like I need to be the stick thin teenager I was just so I can fit everyone's idea of what I really look like underneath all my clothes. And since I don't (I have such badly stretched stomach skin that even I went back to 100 pounds, I would still have skin hanging there!), I get extremely depressed about it.

I know, I shouldn't let what other people think affect me that way, but I can't help it. I guess I'm afraid that if they really saw me, like in my swimsuit, they would take it all back and secretly make fun of me and laugh at the fact they ever thought I lost the baby weight.

Plus, I don't fit into any of my old clothes. And the problem is, I don't know what I fit into. The 4's I used to wear are way too tight, but when I buy 6's at the store, they don't fit right either. My body type and size say 4, especially since I'm short. But I'm not short ENOUGH for the petites, so those don't fit right either. It's very frustrating.

I'm just saying that even though when wearing a T-shirt and jeans (which are a size 10, by the way), and I look slim, I'm not near where I was before I ever had kids. And sometimes I wish I really was one of those women who bounce right back. I might look like I am, but I'm really not.

Of exhaustion, babies, and endless housework

2011-06-20T15:53:00.002-06:00

I really want to enjoy my baby boy, but it's so hard to do it because I can't get him to nap. At all. I try all day long. To the point where I end up neglecting my other kids. He simply refuses to sleep during the day. He does sleep well at night, and so I hear comments from people like, "Well, if he sleeps at night, what's the problem?"

The problem is that a baby is not well rested who is awake from dawn until dusk. They NEED to nap. Their brains rely on those precious hours of sleep to mature and their bodies need it to grow. The sleep periods NEED to be at least 45 minutes long or they aren't restorative.

So when you have a baby who refuses to nap, that means you also have a fussy baby. No, not a colicky one. Not one who screams endlessly. My baby will at least respond to the swing, the carseat, being held, even being played with. But I cannot constantly be giving him that kind of attention. I have a house to run and four other children to take care of.

The minute I try to devote a lot of time to the baby, that's when all chaos breaks loose. Somebody hits someone. Somebody falls off something. The screaming starts. And it's always right when I finally get the baby to that sweet moment where he is drifting off to sleep. Someone will come slamming through the nursery door needing a band-aid, a drink of water, a new shirt. And then the baby wakes up.

Right now, he is in his crib. He has been fed, changed, rocked, swaddled. I don't know what else to do. When I saw his eyes drooping and his little yawns, I whisked him upstairs with a small bottle to put him down for a nap, but he decided to wake right back up the minute I changed his diaper (which needed to be changed, super soggy). And as soon as I had him quieted and starting to close his eyes again, after 30 minutes of rocking, rocking, rocking while the other kids murdered their brain cells by watching mindless television, my 3-year-old burst into the room singing.

I gave up. I can't sit there with him anymore. I feel like screaming at him to just go to sleep (and obviously, that is not going to help) or just screaming at someone or something. So I laid him in his crib, wide awake and madly sucking his blanket (still hungry after 2 ounces plus the 6 ounces he had 45 minutes earlier?) and left the room. I don't even have a baby monitor, so I have no idea if he's in there crying or what because I can't hear him from downstairs.

Seriously, how can you enjoy the journey when you are so sleep-deprived and such a bundle of anxious nerves that you can't sit still for more than 15 minutes at a time? That you yell at all your other kids for simply asking for a glass of water because they are being too loud when really they're not?

The other things I have to do are piling up and I can't get anything done. Not the wash, not the meals. I've had six bags of children's clothes that my brother sent me three weeks ago sitting in my living room. My baby does not fit anything we own for him anymore but I haven't had a chance to go through these clothes and see if anything in there does fit him.

And if I say anything about it, all I get are remarks like, "Stop complaining. That's all you ever do." Or... "The only thing that NEEDS to get done is taking care of your baby." Right. Like the other kids can fend completely for themselves without destroying the house. Like the laundry and the dishes will wash themselves and the bills will pay themselves and the dog will let himself in and out of the house and the dinner will fix itself.

You know what I would like? Instead of criticism for how hard of a time I'm having, I'd like someone to say, "How can I help you? Can I fold your laundry? Can I clean that bathroom? Can I hold your baby so you can do all that?" It would be nice, especially, if it were my husband offering, but usually he is the first to tell me that I need to relax and not worry about all those other things, yet he doesn't jump in and take care of those other things. If he's not going to do it, I HAVE to do it.

Why can't people just see that? I can let things slide to a point (the kids' room is a complete disaster zone and has been for about a month now), but some things (like tonight's dinner) cannot be put off too much or we simply won't eat.

Okay, that's the end of my rant. Thanks for listening.

Beating Summer Boredom

2011-06-17T09:05:00.006-06:00

I love summer break. It seems to me that I am the only mom out there who actually enjoys having the kids home for 2-1/2 straight months. I love it. I look forward to it. Perhaps it is because I still have kids at home that I am able to keep entertained and busy that I don't have much of a struggle finding things to keep the older ones busy too.

Summer is a wonderful time for learning. The best kind of learning, the kind of learning that naturally happens as a child learns to work and play with parents and siblings. The rich kind of learning that happens naturally that you can start with answering one question and it can lead into a whole series of events and activities. Perhaps this is why I love summer so much.

In April, I saw on the website Kids.Woot an offer for a butterfly garden. It was $5, with $5 shipping and handling, and then $5 for the live caterpillars to be shipped separately. In anticipation for the upcoming summer break, I went ahead and ordered it.

In addition to our butterfly life cycle, we have so many other things to do that keep us busy. In fact, we have been so busy these first few weeks of summer that my kids are begging for a breather and I have actually allotted a few hours of the afternoon time as "free time" or "playtime" when they can just play and do what they want.

The four kids are enrolled in swimming lessons. It wasn't cheap but I feel swimming lessons are necessary. Especially since I love to take them to the swimming pool on hot summer afternoons. It's much easier to handle four kids (well, five) at the pool when most of them can swim independently. Plus we visit Arizona every summer and my parents have a backyard pool. I feel swimming lessons are a safety precaution.

We also bought a family zoo pass for the year, which we'll use often in the summer. I find that $70-$100 is worth it to be able to return many times with such a large group. Last summer we had a pass to another attraction here that offered a museum, a farm and some rolling gardens. Unfortunately, budget constraints made it impossible to renew that pass for another year, but perhaps next year we'll do it again.

In addition to all that, I look for free or cheap events in the community, things like parades and carnivals. Where we live, the smaller cities often have "Town Days" where they celebrate the founding of the town with rodeos, parades, carnivals, and other attractions.

Just going to the regular park is fun. We have so many parks around our city that there are many to choose from. Perhaps it's because I don't take my kids to the park very often during the school year or maybe they just love parks and being outside, but they never tire of going to a park. We often ride bikes to the park and the parks have bike paths to ride around on too. Or we take sports equipment and a picnic. For some reason, eating at a park is so much more fun than eating at home, even when it's the same old pb&j's.

Also where we live there are paths in the canyons to take bikes or roller blades on as well as just walk/hike and enjoy nature.

And besides all the free time stuff, I decided to utilize my talents this year. I have often struggled with the idea that some people are extraordinarily talented in certain areas--they play an instrument really well or they are gifted in dance or a sport. I have no areas in which I am super-talented. But I'm finally realizing that being well-rounded and having an interest in lots of things and learning those skills is my strength. Therefore, I am using my strength to bless my family.

I am taking it upon myself to teach the basics in piano, dance, tumbling, and art to my children. Why should I pay someone else to do something I am quite capable of doing myself?

And in addition to all that, my school-age kids will be doing reading time and math time to retain what they have learned. They will be doing workbooks too, but I will be actively engaged in helping them, answering questions and helping them to review it.

I figure that since I signed on as mom, part of my job is to make sure my children are learning, so that is what I will spend my summer doing. Sure it cuts in on my own personal time that I'm used to having when they are at school, but it's worth it to keep them busy, out of trouble, learning, and happy.

So bring on summer. I can't wait! Sad that already two weeks of the summer break are already over...

Oh, and if you would like to follow what we are doing to glean some ideas, check out my other blog Love For Learning.

I Feel a Panic Attack Coming On

2011-05-27T16:08:00.004-06:00

Have any of you ever reached that point where you are one step away from either a nervous breakdown or complete insanity?

That's where I'm at.

Going from one to two kids was insanely hard for me. I dealt with postpartum depression, my second baby did not sleep well for the first four months. In fact, he went one 36 hour stretch where he only slept a total of about 4 hours. It was pure torture.

Going to three and then to four were not as hard as that first transition.

This time around has just been grueling.

I know my baby isn't doing this on purpose. He's not purposefully trying to make me crazy by not sleeping long enough--try only thirty minute naps ALL day long. But I've had to hand him off to my 8-year-old to keep me from doing anything horrible already today. I just can't take it any more. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, why he won't sleep longer than 30 minutes. I watch that 90 minute window carefully and watch him carefully for signs of sleepiness and then put him down. He's eating well. He's pooping. So why isn't he sleeping?

And then when I finally do get a break from him, I get anxiety over what I should spend my time doing. Should I work on my enormous to-do list that never ends to which things keep adding up on it (and I have to do most of the tasks--my husband can't do many of those things, like sewing) or should I take a nap and get some much needed sleep?

And it doesn't help at all that I've come down with a bad cold.

My son's baptism is next weekend and we have family coming in town for that.

My baby's blessing is also next weekend.

I got called up for jury duty this week. I mean, when they asked if there were any dates I would be unavailable between May 2nd and June 30th, I never thought I'd get called up this week when everything is slamming on me at once! I really hope that I go in and they send me home and then I don't have to report any other day but the first.

Seriously, though, it would follow the pattern of bad luck from the rest of my life if I ended up doing jury duty all week. It really would.

I think I'm going to have a panic attack now.

Oh wait, I can't. I have to start making dinner.

A Special Mother's Day Gift

2011-05-08T09:48:00.005-06:00

Eight years ago today at 6:46 a.m. Mountain Standard Time after nearly 26 hours of labor, this happy smiling boy made me a mother five weeks earlier than he was expected to arrive. My water broke at 5 am on May 7th. Since he was early, they gave me drugs to slow down labor as much as possible to give him a little more time in there, which is why my labor was so long. I wasn't even having contractions when I first went in, at least none that I could feel. He weighed 6 lbs and 2 oz at five weeks early.

Because he was early, he didn't have a strong sucking reflex and couldn't nurse. So they whisked him away to the NICU and fed him through a tube that went though his nose down to his stomach. He stayed there for two weeks, until he could maintain his own body temperature, gained back his birthweight, and could eat enough in a 24 hour period through sucking. We brought him home on May 20th.

And my life has never been the same. Today I reflect on that transformation, when I left my childhood behind and had to become selfless. That is the day I had to put someone else's needs above my own. And today, we get to celebrate him turning eight as well as the day I became a mother. He won't be baptized for almost another month, but it's hard to believe that my oldest child is already eight years old.

Here he is a couple weeks ago on Easter helping me out by giving a bottle to his baby brother. They are seven years, ten months, and five days apart. He has been such a wonderful big brother to all his younger siblings, so I know there is a reason he came first.

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers out there!

Mother's Day Gifts

2011-05-03T18:54:00.003-06:00

So Mother's Day is this Sunday. I saw an article on Yahoo about the "worst Mother's Day gifts." Granted, the gifts they listed were pretty bad, but I still really hate articles like this. The articles should read what you should get your mother for Mother's Day.

If you appreciate your mother, get her something she'll appreciate. To me, Mother's Day is about appreciating mothers and letting them know that you love them and love what they do for you. I honestly don't think gifts are even necessary. Cards and letters are better because they tell how you really feel.

I usually write my mom a nice letter that I include in with a nice card. Every once in a while, I'll get together with my brothers and buy her something nice. One year we got her new dishes. This is one of those "no-no" gifts, but my mom really wanted new dishes. She really appreciated that. Last year, I sent her a copy of a book that I knew she'd enjoy. (Actually, I have a confession: I bought the book for myself, remembered it was Mother's Day in about a week, and sent her that copy. I never did buy myself another copy!)

I am fortunate if my children (and husband) get me anything for Mother's Day. In fact, until my kids were old enough to write and make their own gifts (and even realize there was such a day in the first place), my husband rarely got me anything. When I mentioned this to my mom once, she simply said, "Well, you're not his mother, are you?" I also used to feel guilty for forgetting to get my mother-in-law something, but that statement from my mom applies to that also. She's not my mother and didn't raise me, and although I care about her, it's certainly not the same sentiments I feel for my own mother.

Mostly, all I ever want is to have my husband get the kids ready for church that day and make breakfast. I don't require breakfast in bed, although that's nice. But just not having to be the one who gets up and gets it all done one day is nice. And perhaps prepares dinner, but I'm lucky if he ever has that Sunday night off. Especially since it's a holiday, he rarely gets it off work.

This year, Mother's Day happens to fall on my oldest child's eighth birthday, so we'll be celebrating that more than Mother's Day. Which is all good, because he's the first reason I am even a mother!

More Thoughts on Breastfeeding

2011-05-02T21:10:00.006-06:00

I am coming to the end of breastfeeding with this baby. He is now seven weeks old and my milk is pretty much dried up. When I pump on the occasion that I'm feeling like I need to, I only get about 2 ounces total. My baby consumes about 4-6 ounces of formula or breastmilk per feeding, so obviously 2 ounces isn't going to cut it. He'll nurse and then he'll still take 4-6 ounces of the pumped milk or formula.

As I look back on the babyhood of my four older children, I don't feel guilt for not breastfeeding them for long. After all, I did breastfeed them. I just didn't do it for the recommended 6 months to one year. I did it for as long as I could.

I realize that when my child is sixteen and learning to drive, nobody is going to care or even think about whether or not he was breastfed as an infant. When my child is thirty and having her own children, nobody is going to question the feeding methods that she had when she was seven months old. It's not going to matter whether my child was breastfed for two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, or two years.

A blog I like to read, Women Living Well, had a post about breastfeeding, entitled, "My First Failure as a Mother." You can click over to read the post yourself, but in it, she talks about how she tried and tried and even sought help from a lactation consultant. She finally realized that this was a challenge God had given her and she needed to humble herself and realize that she couldn't do everything perfectly, she could just do her best. I never really thought about breastfeeding in that light before or even considered that God would care about it. But because he cares about all the minute details of our lives, he does care about it and how we feel about ourselves with respect to it.

I had a revelation today about feeding my babies. Some women love to breastfeed. It's their special bonding time with the baby and it's something that only they can give their baby. But I am the opposite. I think I love to bottlefeed. And while I do feel a twinge of guilt right now over my inability a fifth time to breastfeed exclusively for the recommended 6 months to one year, I won't feel that guilt in about two or three months.

I love sharing that aspect of caring for a baby with my family. I love that my children actually fight and shed tears over whose turn it is to feed my baby a bottle, so much that I have to set up a system of taking turns. They love holding him and cuddling him and helping me with changing, but they especially love feeding him. I think somehow innately they realize that feeding is an incredible bonding time with a baby and I relish in the fact that my husband and children get that time with the baby as well as me. I don't always turn the feedings over to them, only when it's a time that I'm needed for something else, like making a meal, but when I do, they get that time with them.

I have gotten many compliments on how my children seem to have such a strong bond as siblings. They really are each other's best friends. My oldest was making a list of people to invite to his 8th birthday party this weekend and the first person on the list was his brother. When I thought about it, I realized that we have let our children be part of the feeding of our babies from the beginning--our oldest fed our second child occasional bottles (with our help, of course) when he was only a toddler himself. And with every subsequent baby, they all participated in feedings. This time around, with the children being much older, they can even burp the baby and sit on the couch just holding him.

We've never had trouble with our children being clingy to me and not wanting to leave me for things like nursery at church or being baby-sat by someone else or even being jealous when a new baby is born. I think this shared responsibility of feeding has contributed to this.

So this is what works for our family and I'm okay with that. I know that the best nutrition is breastfeeding, but I also know a lot more goes into feeding a baby than just the nutrition, and I'm glad that my whole family can be part of that.

My oldest feeding my fourth

My second oldest giving a drink to my third child

My oldest (at 18 months) feeding my second child

My oldest holding his baby sister

Remembering Church Callings

2011-04-23T11:06:00.002-06:00

What church jobs did your parents have? What do you remember about their church callings?

I don't really remember church callings that my parents had before I was about eight years old. I know that my mom served in the primary presidency for a lot of my childhood and during some of those years my dad was in the bishopric. He also taught my primary class when I was nine.

One calling my dad has had numerous times in many of the different places we've lived is being on the stake high council. I remember going with him to different wards in the stake to hear him speak and to see my friends on those wards. That was always fun for me. Plus, he is a good speaker and I always enjoy his talks.

Another calling my dad had at one time was in the young men's presidency right about when I was 12 years old. We had a ward activity, a dance, to which the beehives and deacons were invited. I remember dancing with my dad at that activity.

My mom, aside from primary when I was younger, often served in the Relief Society, either as a teacher or in the presidency. She is also a good teacher and always set a wonderful example to me of how to serve through her callings in Relief Society.

When I turned 18, my mom was the Relief Society president. I had no interest in attending Young Women's anymore, even though I still had half of my senior year in high school to finish. There were several other young women like me who were tired of Young Women's, but not really ready for Relief Society. She made the transition easier for us by making a separate Relief Society class for us taught by another young single adult sister, one who had just returned from a mission. We were able to connect with Relief Society and feel a part of it even though we were still so young and many of us still in high school. I think that a lot of young women who turn 18 during high school can kind of get lost when it comes to church. They are too old for Young Women's and have often completed the Young Women's in Excellence but feel out of place for Relief Society. I don't know how the other girls my age felt about it, and I don't even remember how many of them came to church and attended that class at that point, but it certainly helped me.

Wedding Dresses

2011-04-21T15:28:00.007-06:00

A show that I've watched a few times in the last week has been "Say Yes to the Dress". It's about brides picking out their wedding dresses and all the drama that apparently goes on with that. I say apparently because there was no drama involved in choosing my wedding dress.

Shortly after my engagement, I went to a friend's wedding reception. I told her that she looked beautiful and that I loved her dress. She whispered back to me, "You're engaged now. Do you want to buy it? I'll sell it to you." I didn't even hesitate when I said yes. She and I were close to the same size and it was a gorgeous dress. It certainly saved me a lot of trouble trying to find one and helped her out financially. I did have to get it altered a little bit so it fit me better (she's a little taller than me), but it worked out wonderfully. I sold it myself when I was done with it and haven't looked back once with regret for not keeping it.

Besides, I didn't actually get married in that dress. I had been an endowed member of the church for three years before I got engaged. I had my own temple clothes already. So when we got married, instead of having to use an insert for the sleeves and neckline of my wedding dress, I just wore my temple dress. I still have my temple dress. So really, the dress that I got married in is still something I wear on a regular basis.

When I was watching the show, it got me thinking about how people put so much emphasis on something about the wedding that isn't really that important. At least, I don't think it's that important. (Of course, it's probably less important in a Mormon temple wedding anyway). And to think of the gobs of money spent on something you wear once, even if it is a huge event, seems just silly to me.

So what about your wedding dress? Did you go to great lengths to find the perfect dress? Did you have it custom-made? Did you buy it used? Do you still have it?

Not a Baby Person

2011-04-16T16:55:00.004-06:00

I've decided that I am not a baby person. With my last baby, after she was born, I really tried hard to enjoy the early months of her babyhood, thinking she might be the last, or at least was near the last. Honestly, I look back and can't remember the first few weeks at all--they must have been really hard to be sucked from my memory like that. When I try to remember, I just draw a blank.

This might be our last baby. We haven't decided for sure yet. So I'm trying, once again, to enjoy the babyhood of my baby.

But, to be honest, babies stress me out.

In fact, I think I start to de-stress with the kids when they hit about 3--so they're potty trained, talking, walking, mostly teethed, etc. They tell you what they want, they can feed themselves and dress themselves.

When my babies cry, I freak out. Even from the second they start crying. Even when I know that what they want is to eat or have a diaper change or just be held. The sound of my baby crying always freezes me for a split second. I always feel this desperation and dread seeping in when I hear that crying and sometimes it takes all I have inside to do anything about it.

I was never one to want to hold new babies, mine or other people's. I just don't really enjoy holding babies.

I really am trying to enjoy this very brief period of time, I am. But even my trying to enjoy it is adding an element of stress. When he cries, and I think, "oh no, not again," my next thought always is, "I need to just enjoy this. Why can't I just enjoy this?"

So that brings me back to the idea that I am simply not a baby person. Babies are cute. I like to look at them. But I really don't enjoy this phase. I really start enjoying my kids once they hit about three years old. I will keep trying to enjoy this, though, because I know how quickly it passes.

And really, isn't this just the cutest baby ever?

Royally Bummed Out

2011-04-14T17:36:00.004-06:00

My best friend from high school is moving. I'm so terribly sad by this that it seems unreal and I can't seem to wrap my head around it.

When we graduated high school, we went off to different colleges, but we kept in touch and even lived near each other. She went to Utah Valley State College (now UVU) and I attended BYU. So she was in Orem and I was in Provo. After I finished college, she moved to Ogden and I moved to California. One year later, I got married in Los Angeles and she was the maid of honor at my wedding. One year after that, she got married and I was able to attend her wedding in Bountiful, Utah. After our weddings, I stayed in California for a year and then moved to Idaho Falls, Idaho. After she got married, she moved to Pocatello, Idaho because that's where her new husband was from and was going to school.

She was there for the birth of my first child. We moved back to California shortly after that and I didn't get to be there for the births of her children, but we kept in touch, by phone and email over the next seven years. She stayed in Idaho and we moved from California to Arizona and moved around Arizona a couple times during that time.

When we moved up to Utah in 2009, she also moved to Utah, within only a week or two of our move. Since then, we've spent lots of time together. Our kids, who are close in age, are friends and even attended each other's birthday parties. She taught my two older boys piano lessons for several months. We've had play groups with other high school friends and girls' nights out also.

But now she is moving to Arizona. Could be a pretty permanent thing. We might move back to Arizona sometime in the future, but I wouldn't be surprised if she moves back to Utah or Idaho at the same time we move back to Arizona. I'm so sad.

My kids will need a new piano teacher. All the fun plans we had this summer-play groups, girls' nights, taking our daughters to the Princess Festival, going out on a double date for our anniversaries (she got married one year and one day after we did ), going to our 15-year high school reunion together, canning peaches, and just being there for each other, all gone in the blink of an eye.

Usually I am the one moving. I haven't ever really experienced a very close friend moving away from me. I will see her again and probably often, since my parents still live in the Phoenix area and we go down there at least once a year. Her parents and siblings live up here in the Salt Lake area, so I'm sure we will see each other. But it's been so nice to have her close by after all these years since high school and college only to have to go separate ways again.

I'm so very sad.

Religious Blogging

2011-04-14T09:01:00.003-06:00

Can I be honest here?

I am a follower of Mormon Mommy Blogs.

I also follow a Christian blog called Women Living Well.

Can I just say how disappointed I am that the writers of MMB are not usually as frank and straightforward about religion as the writer of WLW?

Sometimes I feel like we Mormons are so afraid of being accused of being judgmental that we water things down when it comes to our beliefs. We don't want someone to be offended by what we think or believe and leave the Church, so we water it down.

Courtney, the writer of WLW, never does this. She frankly tells it how it is. She does it in love but she never waters any of it down. I get more of a spiritual uplift when I read her blog posts that are centered around religion and home and family than I ever do reading MMB, which I think is sad, since the contributors to MMB share my religious beliefs. Sure, I share some of the same beliefs as Courtney as well, but there are many differences. Yet the biggest thing I think I see is that Courtney is never bashful about proclaiming a profound belief and testimony of Jesus Christ, whereas the writers of MMB don't seem to openly share that as much.

And really, to be honest, I can't explain the differences. I just know it's there. And I'll see new posts on my dashboard from MMB but am almost always disappointed by the content, whereas with WLW, I am always excited and eager to read what she posts.

Favorite TV Shows

2011-04-09T20:25:00.005-06:00

Did you have a favorite TV show as a child or youth? Describe it.

I did not watch a whole lot of television when I was a child. I don't remember if that's because my parents didn't really allow us to watch very much TV or because I just wasn't interested. I just don't remember much TV from before I was in the sixth grade.

When I was in the sixth or seventh grade, though, a favorite show that we always watched together as a family was The Wonder Years. That show starred Fred Savage. It was a show about a young boy, early teens, growing up in the 1960's, named Kevin Arnold. Much of it revolved around the social ups and downs of adolescence, as well as some family issues. My favorite episode was one that was a parody of the original Star Trek, where three of the girls that Kevin liked were torturing him into deciding between them, similar to an episode of the old Star Trek. I thought it was hilarious. Another episode I remember quite well was the one in which a geeky girl, Margaret Farquar, has to work on a project with Kevin. Of course, he is embarrassed that he has to be seen with her, and she has a crush on him, and it all ends in him hurting her feelings but learning that even the nerdiest people are still people with feelings. Most of the shows ended with good messages like that.

Another show we watched as a family when I was in high school was Home Improvement. That show starred Tim Allen and was about a man who lived in Michigan who had his own cable tool show, a wife, and three kids (all boys), and the mishaps that happened to him. I liked it because it was quite funny and, like The Wonder Years, it usually had some good messages. I even enjoy watching the reruns today and seeing them from the perspective of a married mother of boys rather than the perspective of a teenage girl.

I know I watched other TV, but those were two of my favorite shows.

Nightmares

2011-04-09T08:37:00.003-06:00

Last night I had a nightmare. I've actually had quite a few heartpounding nightmares lately. They always involve something happening to one of my kids. I think I need to keep a dream diary so if and when I ever seek counseling, I might be able to share some of it and get some insights.

In my dream last night, we were playing at a park. The park had older playground equipment. Those of you who lived in Richardson might be familiar with Heights Park. Think of the rocket there, or actually anything on that playground. Not the safest equipment by today's standards. In my dream, there was a similarly high platform to the rocket at Heights but it was more like the submarine in design. In my dream, I was at the top of it with my kids, but I was holding the new baby. My daughter, who is three, got too close to the edge and slipped off, falling all the way to the ground below.

In my dream, my parents were both there. My dad was on the ground, and he was the first to go over and investigate. When I got down to the bottom, he was just standing there looking at her. She was limp and lifeless, but still breathing, so I scooped her up and yelled for someone to call 9-1-1. Nobody acted, so I found my cell phone and dialed. The 9-1-1 operator wouldn't listen to my story and kept interrupting me, telling me that there were certain conditions to be met before someone would come. I was frantic. I carried my daughter, with everyone who was there following me, to my grandparents' house, which was nearby. My grandpa (my dad's dad) was there too. He knew a guy who knew a guy and was able to get the EMT's to finally come. They came and whisked her away. I went along.

In the end of the dream, she was on life support with a breathing tube and we were all just waiting to hear what the prognosis was. Then I woke up and realized it was all just a bad dream.

During the dream, though, it all seemed so real. I should have known it wasn't when my grandpa was in the dream because he passed away about 6 or 7 years ago. But I have had many very similar dreams. One involved my third son getting run over by a lawnmower. Other dreams have involved my children slipping under the water and drowning just out of my reach.

I think I have worries that I won't be able to balance everything and that I feel overwhelmed with all the kids, because most often I have these terrifying dreams right before or after we've had a new baby.

I am so glad that I woke up and that it was only a dream. Because it would be horrible to experience something like that in reality.

Breastfeeding Woes

2011-03-19T12:52:00.002-06:00

I really don't like breastfeeding. It is probably one of my least favorite things about having a baby. That and the horrible afterpains and the seemingly endless postpartum bleeding. But breastfeeding is my nemesis when it comes to babies. I just can't seem to do it and eventually I give up entirely and just switch to formula.

I know, it's not the worst thing in the world to formula feed your baby. And I shouldn't care what other people think about my choosing not to breastfeed. It's not like I didn't try, because I always do.

In fact, while I was pregnant with this baby, I was seriously considering just skipping it altogether because I know how hard it is for me.

I can't ever get the baby latched on right without help from a lactation consultant. And even then, it takes a good 4-5 days before my milk comes in, so I have a very hungry baby for quite a few days. And then, because my milk takes so long to come in, I always, ALWAYS, end up with a baby with jaundice, so there's the extra doctor's appointments for heel pricks and weighing in because they always lose so much weight at first. And then there's the tedious moments where I'm waiting all day for the baby to poop out the bilirubin. And I have to stop and think, should I just throw in the towel and start the bottle?

I decided to try anyway because I'm not dumb and I know that breastmilk is best for baby. Still, I'm having a very hard time with it.

This time around, I can't seem to get him latched on right at all. It hurts like crazy every single time I nurse on either side the ENTIRE time he's eating. That's right, twice every one to two hours for fifteen minutes each time I am in severe pain. Let's see, since he's been eating every one to two hours and nurses for about fifteen minutes on each side and he does this ALL day long, that's THREE HOURS of excruciating pain.

I've checked his lips. They're flanged out like they're supposed to be. I've checked how much he has in his mouth and how wide his mouth is open and all of it looks right to me, so I can't figure out why I am in so much pain. He also never seems satisfied and sometimes, I'll nurse him twice from each side before he's finally done. And then I still feel like my breasts are full.

But I don't know who to ask for help either. I should have sought help from the lactation consultant before I left the hospital because I could already tell I was having problems. But she only came by my room once and he happened to be off to the nursery for a blood test to check his sugar level at that time.

At any rate, I feel like a complete failure when it comes to breastfeeding. With my first, he was premature and stayed in the NICU for two weeks, during which, I pumped every three hours day and night. He couldn't suck, so he was fed through a tube in his nose and I would come in every six hours and put him to the breast while he was being fed through the nose. When he came home, I managed to continue the breastfeeding for nearly three more months, but it was so tiring and demanding that I finally caved and weaned him to a bottle. Fortunately, I had a HUGE supply of frozen milk from that hospital stay, so he continued to be fed breastmilk mixed with formula for about three more weeks after that. My second baby I nursed exclusively for two months (two very long miserable months) and then gave up after two more months of nursing alternating with bottles. My third baby lasted about four months as well, but mostly just the first 6-8 weeks. After that, he was probably getting more formula than breastmilk, but I was still trying. My 4th child, my daughter, I only nursed for two months.

When this baby was born, they put him immediately to my breast, which was what I wanted. But after he was born, I couldn't stop shaking, my whole body was shivering and shaking to the point that I couldn't even hold him. That didn't subside for about 2-3 hours after the birth, so by that time, they had already whisked him off to the nursery and given him a bottle. I wasn't upset or anything, after all, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't even hold him, I was shaking so bad, and since I couldn't hold him, I couldn't feed him. Plus, it was good for my husband to have some time with him, feeding him and bathing him in the nursery.

But I wonder if these circumstances have made it difficult--that the first feeding he had was a bottle, so that's why he hasn't been latching on or sucking right. And I have no idea how to fix it. Today, we are waiting for him to poop. He's had jaundice all week and has gone in repeatedly for heel pricks to check his bilirubin level. It hasn't been extremely high, not high enough for phototherapy, but high enough that they are concerned. He did start gaining the weight back a few days ago, but he hasn't been pooping AT ALL, which is a huge cause for concern.

Anyway, I'm about ready to give up and I'm only at day six. I just can't stand the pain. The lack of sleep, I can handle. I'm pretty good about catching cat naps here and there while he sleeps. And nursing lying on my side so I can kind of doze. But the pain I just can't handle. It seems to be getting worse. And I feel frustrated and like a huge failure.

New Baby!

2011-03-19T12:09:00.000-06:00

Our new baby was born on Sunday, March 13, at 10:02 a.m. He was our second smallest, larger only than our premie, weighing in at 7 pounds, 7.4 ounces and measuring 19-1/2 inches long.

My water broke at 3:10 a.m. Sunday morning (though our clock only read 2:10 a.m., since we forgot to change the time the night before). I had been sick all day Friday and Saturday with a bad cold that had started in on Thursday. I had been feeling really lousy at bedtime and had even gone to bed quite early, around 9 pm. My husband had been scheduled to work the night shift on Saturday night, but had come home early because he knew how sick I was feeling.

Anyway, we called someone in the ward to come sit with the kids and she even got up in the morning and got them ready for church and took them with her. We left and went to the hospital, about five minutes away. They got me all hooked up to the i.v. and then gave me the epidural around 4:30 a.m. At that time, my blood pressure dropped REALLY low and it was quite scary to feel that way, but they gave me medication and got it back up. The baby's heartrate never changed and he was doing fine the whole time.

By 7:30 a.m., I hadn't dilated past a six, which is where I was for several hours, but I think it's because of how they had me positioned. Once they sat me up higher, things moved along faster. He came at 10:02 a.m. after about 20 minutes of pushing.

So now he is here and we are trying to adjust to life with five children.

When My Husband Is Home

2011-03-09T17:57:00.003-07:00

Does anybody else have this problem?

You don't get anything done on the days your husband is home off work.

I have an endless to-do list. Many of the things on it would be easier to do if I had someone to watch the kids while I concentrate on those things.

However, I have learned that on the days my husband is home from work, it is unrealistic to expect to get any of these things done. The house gets messier and the kids get more wild and crazy when he's home than when he's not home.

I can't figure out quite why. I mean, mostly, it's not like he really is home because often, he will just watch TV or play video games all day. So it doesn't seem like he would be adding to the chaos or the mess. But somehow it always is worse on those days. It's like having another child in the house.

If I tell the kids to go be with their dad so I can get something done, inevitably I end up having to come in and check up on everyone because he is so absorbed in his games or shows that he doesn't see that the kids have opened a package of pretzels and spilled them all over the kitchen floor or that they've taken a marker to the wall in the next room. Or that they are now running around outside in their underwear in 35 degree weather.

When they are home with me, I make sure they are actively engaged in something before I start something that I'd like to cross off my to-do list.

Maybe I need to treat the days he has off just like any day that he is gone--make sure they are engaged before I start projects, etc.

He's not really all lazy, like I'm making him sound. If there are things that I can't really do, like moving furniture or putting something big and heavy together or whatever, all I have to do is put together a list and he'll do it, but when he's done, he's done and doesn't want to do anything else.

Is that a man thing? It seems that when I'm done with one task, there is always another task to do. Some days, I admit, I'm not all that motivated to do much, but some days, I want to get a lot done, and even though most of it doesn't have to get done, I still want to be productive so I do it rather than wasting my time watching TV endlessly (especially when there is nothing on worth watching!).

And then a lot of the days he has off, he wants to play all day--go to the park, the movies, on errands, spend money, etc. Makes it hard to keep to the schedule I have for me and the kids and also we end up spending more money than usual and getting nothing done and then when he goes back to work, I feel like I'm running to catch up.

Does this happen to anyone else? Or are the dynamics different because the days your husband is home is on Saturday (usually a busy day of running regular errands and cleaning house and going to kids' sports events and church activities) and Sunday (a day of rest and going to church meetings and spending time with extended family)? Since mine is usually off in the middle of the week, I tend to think the dynamics are a little different. At least that's how I imagine it.

the Doctrine of the Family

2011-03-08T13:10:00.004-07:00

About three weeks ago, my oldest child gave a talk in Primary. The topic was "The Family is Central to Heavenly Father's Plan." He is seven, going on eight, and he has given many talks in Primary before, so I let him do the preparing and all I did was type up what he told me. He decided to focus on the plan part of it, so he went over the Plan of Salvation, complete with a visual aid, and then talked about how the family fit into that plan. As part of the preparation, I read some of The Family: A Proclamation to the World with him and discussed a little bit of it.

Later that day, I just felt inspired to teach a Family Home Evening lesson on the Proclamation. We've had it hanging in our house since we got married, right next to the most recent picture of the family, but I don't think we've ever told our children about it. So the next night, I pulled the Proclamation off the wall and we all sat down for FHE.

We didn't go over the whole thing, just hit certain key points, like marriage being between a man and a woman and the fact that mothers and fathers have different roles. We talked about how the world, people who don't know or understand Jesus' teachings, want to change families to include other definitions of it. I'm not sure how much the kids understood, but our seven-year-old seemed to understand most of it. But I felt that it was something that was necessary to talk about, especially so our children would know what that piece of paper is that we have hanging in a prominent place in our house.

A couple days later, our March Ensign came in the mail. I opened it and skimmed through it, like I always do. One article caught my eye--Teaching the Doctrine of the Family by Julie B. Beck, general Relief Society president. The tag of the article states this, "This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before. If they don’t know the doctrine, they can’t defend it." Then the whole article goes on to explain the doctrine of the family and how it relates to Heavenly Father's plan for his children and how important it is that we teach this doctrine to our children.

I really feel like I was inspired to teach that lesson for Family Home Evening, so I don't think it was a coincidence when that article came out in the March Ensign. Since then, we've had one more lesson about it where we talked about our new baby coming and how that fits into the plan and what we can all do to help this new baby be happy. I really loved the article and am glad that it came out when it did.

Dealing with a Difficult Child

2011-03-06T19:54:00.004-07:00

My seven-year-old is getting increasingly more independent and has a constant bad attitude about everything. I'm really hoping this is a personality thing of his and will not be repeated with every child.

He is very good at turning everything into a battle of wills. He's already beaten me in some aspects. I'm already afraid to remind him to do certain things--like his chores or practicing his piano. And heaven forbid I assign him extra work because he owes me $16 for a library book he tore! If I even approach that, I'll get screaming and yelling and throwing toys for at least a half an hour.

Yes, I admit it, my seven-year-old has me trembling in my boots. Right now, it seems that the most effective tool is to threaten to call Dad at work and tell him so that when he gets home, he can punish the child. But then I feel like my son loses respect for me when it's only Dad who can ever dole out the punishments.

Here is today's story.

As we were pulling into the driveway from church, my husband tells the kids that they need to come right in, get changed and come downstairs so we can eat our big meal before Daddy needs to head to work, as he wanted to get there early today. We go in the house and two of the kids change quickly and obey while Daddy makes the gravy and cuts the meat and I set the table. The older two boys mess around and don't change very quickly. When the food is ready, Daddy sends the four-year-old upstairs to tell the older boys to come down for dinner. The seven-year-old clobbers him for delivering the message, so Daddy goes upstairs and sends everyone down exactly how they are--the seven-year-old is still in his underwear. Daddy makes him eat dinner just like that and the seven-year-old spends the entire meal whining and griping and explaining how he "accidentally" clobbered his little brother (you know, accidentally on purpose). He was told after eating to go sit on his bed until Daddy left for work, but he threw a big tantrum about that. Finally, he settled down and admitted and apologized for what had gone wrong.

Fast forward a few hours. Daddy is now at work. We've just eaten "supper" (on Sundays, we have a big "dinner" right after church, which is at 2 pm and then supper, which is more a snack, before bed). The kids were watching a video before supper and had plans to watch a second 30-minute video after supper. When they finished eating, I sent them up to get pajamas on and brush their teeth before putting in the video. They were acting wild and silly and not doing what I asked, so I went upstairs, monitored them while they brushed teeth and changed. They continued the silliness, so I said, no video, only books. I told them to get their books, and the seven-year-old threw a massive tantrum about not getting the video, so I told him he couldn't have a book either. I read to other three out in the hallway while he was supposed to be in his bed in the room, but he spent the entire time pounding on the wall, the door, and crying that he wanted a book. When I finished reading and put the other kids to bed, he was relentless in how he wanted a book. I stood firm, but he is still up there upset that he didn't get a book and has come down several times begging for one.

So, that is typical of how he deals with these things. I have no idea how to handle it. Sometimes I feel like it is a losing battle for me. He has really become a very difficult child.

Usually he is bright and happy and a good helper and a good big brother. But try and get him to do something he doesn't want to do or reprimand him for bad behavior, and the devil he becomes.

Please tell me that some of my children will not turn into this!?

High School Clubs

2011-03-03T09:20:00.006-07:00

Were you ever in a drama, speech, sports, pep, or glee club, etc.? Tell about it.

Ninth grade squad, I'm in the front right holding the spirit stick

Varsity squad, my senior year, I'm on the second row, second from the left

In junior high school, I was in the pep club in seventh grade. I also joined speech club that year but didn't really participate very much. From eighth grade through senior year, except for tenth grade, I was involved with cheerleading. I also participated in other extra-curricular clubs, like National Junior Honor Society and National Junior Beta Club in junior high school, but again, my participation was limited.

Cheerleading was pretty fun. I originally wasn't even going to try out. I was a gymnast but had quit taking private gymnastics in the sixth grade. One Thursday afternoon during football season, in the seventh grade, I was out in my front yard doing some tumbling passes. A tenth grade cheerleader lived across the street from me and she and some of the other girls on her squad were painting signs for upcoming football games on her driveway. They saw me tumbling and called me over. The girl was a friend of my older brother's and I knew her. All the girls were quite impressed with my tumbling skills and asked if I was going to try out for cheerleading at the junior high school. The girl offered to help me with the tryouts if I decided to try out, so I took her up on her offer. I made eighth grade cheerleader and was one of twenty girls on the squad.

Although I enjoyed cheerleading, I never really felt part of it. The cheerleaders were the popular girls and I never was really one of them. I think I only made the squad every year because of how advanced my tumbling skills were. I could do a series of back handsprings from one end of the football field to the other, about twenty in a row. I was also skilled in the stunts, able to pull difficult stunts like scorpions and pencils because of my balance, flexibility, and experience in gymnastics.

At the end of ninth grade, we were supposed to be moving, so I didn't try out for the tenth grade year. I participated in school gymnastics instead until we moved. The new school had no gymnastics team, so at the end of that year, I tried out for cheerleading again and made it. The cheerleading coach was an elitist and had already hand-picked her squad for my senior year when everyone was a sophomore. I was the new girl and because I had so much cheerleading and gymnastics experience, I got high marks from the judges and made the squad, but because I wasn't on the lady's original list, she never really did like me and always put me in the back and never really let me fully participate. By my senior year, cheerleading was something I did because I liked the gymnastics part of it, but I really wasn't part of the group. In fact, I don't really have any friends that I've kept up with from cheerleading my senior year. I have more friends from cheerleading in eighth grade that I've kept up with than people I cheered with in high school.

I enjoyed cheerleading because I was able to use my gymnastics training in it. I am glad I participated. Cheering at football and basketball games was really fun and exciting and every year when these sporting events roll around, I miss the excitement of cheering in front of the crowd. But cheerleading did not define who I was, it was just something I did for fun.

New Ideas

2011-03-03T09:11:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, after reading this post on MMB (Mormon Mommy Blogs), I decided to try something new with my blog. I didn't want to pay $17/month for blog ideas, and I don't really like posting more than once a day, unless I really have a lot of different things to talk about, so I couldn't imagine having a blog prompt every day for a year because then I wouldn't feel free to write about other things. But the idea came to me that I have this "Journal Jar" that I made when I was a YSA (young single adult) with writing prompts for a journal or personal and family history. I've used some of them, but really, the jar just sits on my dresser. My husband has even mentioned that maybe I should get rid of the jar because I don't really use it. But I can't do that, there are some great prompts in it. So I decided to go back over the entries I've already written and re-do them blog style and then use the journal jar prompts a few times a week. When I do, I'll put the topic as the title or opening sentence, so you'll know it's a prompt.

Also, I'm going to be revamping my blog a little bit. I noticed that I have WAY too many categories, some of which have only one blog post and it's a bit confusing because some of the categories relate to each other. I also run a family blog and I spent time last week relabeling everything so I could simplify the tag categories and make it easier to find things. I also might be doing some advertising on here, at least I've had some people interested in putting ads on my blog. I'm not sure if that will be cost effective though, since my blog traffic really is quite limited, so I will be testing the waters there. And I might try to give it a new look, but I'm not sure that I'm that web-savvy. So we'll see.

Life in a Nutshell

2011-03-01T16:29:00.004-07:00

I wish I had something brilliant to talk about, something brilliant to say. But I don't. That is why I haven't been blogging. I don't even have anything interesting to say. Life has been hard. We've dealt with lots of sickness and some of the usual tensions in a marriage that can make life miserable. Plus with the skyrocketing inflation and the fact that my husband's store hasn't been raking in the business as usual (January and February have been really slow months for them, making for bad paychecks for him), we have just been having a tough time getting by. My seven-year-old is going through a phase where he badmouths everything and talks back all the time and I can't figure out how to redirect him most of the time.

So what do you do when life comes at you hard? I have no idea. I've just been getting by the best I can, breaking down into tears more often than usual, calling my mom way too much and annoying her, and just feeling so blah, like there's absolutely nothing worth looking forward to in the future. Even though I have a baby coming, my oldest child is turning eight and we're coming up on our tenth anniversary, I still feel like the future looks so bleak.

I am thirty-six weeks pregnant now. I'm either unable to breathe, have to pee 800 times an hour, or in such pain from the baby's movements that I'm unable to do much of anything. Like all my other kids, he's probably going to be a pretty big boy. My hips hurt so bad most days that just getting off the couch to go to the bathroom is a marathon event. I should just set up camp in the bathroom!

Today my husband was diagnosed with Bell's palsy. Sounds worse than it is. On Saturday, he started complaining about how one side of his face felt funny. I did all the stroke tests--had him smile, lift up his arms, but he seemed fine. By yesterday morning, there really was a noticeable difference between the sides of his face, so I called and set up a doctor's appointment. I didn't think it was an impending stroke because he had no other symptoms, aside from a headache, but even the headache didn't match the stroke description. It was persistent, but not sudden or severe. So we went in and he had a neurological exam (we have had WAY too many of these the last six months!) and had all the classic signs of Bell's palsy, which is where a facial nerve has been damaged somehow, causing numbing, weakness and sometimes paralysis in one or both sides of the face. Usually it's caused by a virus, but he hasn't been sick, or at least exhibited any outward signs of sickness, so we're not sure what's caused it. The doctor prescribed him antivirals anyway as well as some anti-inflammatory drugs. Most often the Bell's palsy dissipates within a few weeks, but in some people it can last a year and for some, it never goes away. I'm hoping that for my husband, it will be the first and that the drugs will help clear it up and he will be fine in a few weeks. Especially since in his job, he deals with lots of customers and customer service is a big deal in his company, he can't have one side of his face all droopy.

That's about all. I figured I was due for an update at least. I still can't think of anything brilliant or insightful or even remotely interesting to write about, though.